When a baby is born out of our womb and comes into our lives there’s nothing else like it in the world.
We’ve waited with so much anticipation for so many months to see their face and marvel at the miracle that is their tiny body.
But even as we do, we don’t quite “know” them yet. It is sort of like meeting a stranger, albeit, our own little stranger.
We have to get to know them and them us.
That’s not to say that some bonding doesn’t happen right away but still, we’ve just “met”this little person and it takes time for us to learn about them. And of course they don’t know us either, despite bouncing around in our bellies for many, many weeks. (Although I always say that Little G should know that I LOVE the soundtrack to “Wicked” because I played it non-stop on the way to and from work during his last few weeks in my womb. He should also know all the words to the song “Popular” for sure. But alas, he does not.)
When The B Man was born I was not in the best place. I was hurting both physically and emotionally. And breastfeeding was NOT working. AT. ALL. On top of everything else, I felt like a failure. To this day I feel like that hindered our opportunity to truly bond and make that mom/baby connection that all mothers long for. I’m not saying we don’t have a good relationship now, I’m just saying that it was very hard for me at first. And since he WAS my first, it was even harder to understand why things weren’t as they “should be” (at least in my my mind, as I was romanticizing it all…)
Things were different when Little G was born. I had a much better birth experience with him and he latched on before we even left the hospital and didn’t let go until few months after his first birthday. I started on the medicine I needed for my emotional issues before I even had him and had no problems with PPD (as I did the first time). Also, I didn’t go back to work after G was born, like I did with The B Man and spent much more time with him. (I’m not saying this is ‘better’, I’m just saying it was different than my first experience as a mother.)
And then came Baby K and although we never did get the nursing down, again my birth experience was better and I felt like the experience I had with my two other babies has helped me be a better mother this third time around. In many ways.
She is now 5 months old (CAN YOU BELIVE???) and I feel like we know each other pretty well these days. She smiles when I walk into a room and I know her nuances and quirks. She is my third baby and only girl. She is my forever “baby.”
I told Tim yesterday that once she can sit up I want to freeze her forever, right then. Of course my mind knows this is impossible even though part of my heart wants it to be so. Although if she stayed her baby self then I would miss out on her telling me, “I love you Mommy” and that’s certainly something I want to hear her say some day.
And now, I can’t wait…
Love to all my babies, no matter when or how they came into the world. MWAH!
I’d love to hear how any of you felt after having your first or even sixth baby. You are welcome to share here. (and if you don’t have any babies yet, read the comments!) 🙂
Thank you for sharing this! I had a very easy first time. I was very ready to be a mother and I planned and things went mostly according to that plan. It was a great time. For my second daughter I was much more stressed as my husband was a full-time student and working part-time and I was working too. It was a difficult transition from one to two. The third? It was pretty easy – except for the lack of sleep. Now that she is 4, it is harder than those early days. Having 3 little people in my life with their own opinions can be emotionally draining, but I wouldn’t give any of them up for the world.
My first birth experience was very difficult as baby was quite comfortable and big!
Second birth was so fast that the doctor wasnt even around.
Third birth was the easiest. I would even consider doing it again if I could be guaranteed full nights sleeps after…….and if I enjoyed being pregnant!
Your shirt says it all….LOVE.
So precious, each relationship is unique in its own way. I bet you can’t wait to see how they change as the years pass. Such beautiful experiences all!
I will definitely be reading these comments!
why won’t my kids sleep in a sling like that….so peaceful…
Birth #1 awful, 100 stitches, 2 hour surgery. Enough said…hence I never got the bonding with Cole until we got home
Birth #2-3: no stitches, great delivery but I was stressed to the max as our down syndrome test came back with 1 in 90 odds when I was 3 months pregnant…hence I just wanted to hear Tim say they were ok..
Maybe if I have a #4???
Likely not! Either way once we all got home the LOVE was in full force!
What a lovely post, Elaine! N’s birth came with a lot of complicated emotions, what with me coming close to dying and extended BF problems. But still, just so totally amazing. Since N is my only, I sometimes what it would be like the second time around. That picture is beyond precious!!
My experiences with my boys are the same as yours, the first time was hard, nothing went like it was supposed to and I am positive I had a touch of PPD. Second time around it was the opposite. I felt like Jack and had a really hard time bonding and what made it even worse was that he and Jay seemed to be thick as theives. It was very hard! But then Kamden came along and for the first two years of his life only wanted me.
🙂
That is such an awesome picture. Too cute.
My first was hard. Maybe it was just being a first time mom. It seemed to rock our world. The second seemed pretty easy probably because I knew what to expect. The only thing that I want for #3 is to be healthy…..OK also a good sleeper and so hoping for a little girl to add to the boys!!
Beautiful post – I love it.
I definitely agree that the third time is a bit different. I am not questioning myself like I did with the first two and am WAY more relaxed about everything. It just seems easier.
I hope no one hates me, but I had three fast and easy births at home and all three nursed with very few problems. That is not to say we didn’t have other issues – we have LOADS 🙂
I’m pretty close to this 3rd one – but i think I was drunk in love with the little girls as well.
Oh, and that picture – loooooves….
I remember being in awe of Jackson when he was born. I was also scared of him at first because you know, he was 6 weeks early…tiny…and in the NICU.
I remember asking one of the nurses if I could change his diaper and she said “Of course, honey…he’s yours”.
I felt silly.
Once we were home and he wasn’t SO fragile I fell madly in love….I still am.
He is my J Pants Most Handsome and some days I’m so smitten with him that he can do no wrong.
I seriously love the kid…my heart just bursts for him.
This post made me cry. I feel the same way about my last 3. They will forever be my babies.
I can so relate to your experience with your first! I didn’t have full-on PPD, but definitely some serious baby blues. I was so unprepared to be a mother (unplanned pregnancy, 22 yrs old when she was born) and it was SO hard to figure things out. I went back to work when she was 3 months old, and I think Travis bonded with her better than I did (he was still in school and spent a lot of time with her). I have definitely grown in confidence with each child, and also learned to just let things go. I let myself cry and feel overwhelmed now, instead of trying to act like everything is perfect. I do my best, but I realize that each baby will be different, as our family dynamic is different too. Coming home with our fifth was probably the easiest time. It was the first time we came home to just our family, no grandparents or other family around. It felt right. We settled in before help arrived and it was so relaxing. I hope it goes as well with BTS.
Oh this post is just so sweet. And that picture makes me want to cry. It just sums it up perfectly and beautifully. *sniff, sniff*
Caitlin has been such an easy going baby…thank goodness! I was so upset over having a c-section and then three monthes after she was born having to go back to work. Both were out of my control…and I hate that. We are adjusting though…my expectations were SO low that it would be hard not to be better than expected!
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us newbies. = )