I recently read this article by Allison Slater Tate – Parenting as a Gex-Xer: We’re the first generation of parents in the age of iEverything. If you are about the same age as me and you read this you will be nodding your head the entire time, I promise. I can relate to everything she said. Allison eloquently talks about what it is like for those of us raised in a era when television and movies were a huge influence in our lives but before parenting became even more complicated in the times of “iEverything”.
After reading this I want to confess to you that I am struggling. Why? You may ask. Well, you probably know why. I myself am pretty tied to “iEverything”. And that “i” can even mean myself, as in I am selfish because of it. I spend HOURS a week on my iPhone or iPad. Doing things for myself. Instagramming, tweeting, updating my blog Facebook page or my wall. Texting and yes, even actually talking on my phone (sometimes). It has become like another appendage. And frankly, it scares me. Yes, of course for myself. What am I missing out on because I cannot seem to “look up”? What am I not hearing or sensing because I am too tied to this “smart” phone?
So not only am I scared for my apparent addiction but also for my children.
In her article Allison mentions trying to point out the beautiful river to the children in her vehicle during the morning carpool ride. No one really notices it because they are too busy on their devices, heads buried in their screens. I spent hours as a child looking at pastures and/or talking (oh my GAWD talking!!) to my family on the way to my grandparents’ homes when I was a girl. There was a radio to sing along with, and later a cassett player, but otherwise it was conversation, naps and a drink of water here or there that kept me entertained on road trips.
These days I have to explicitly POINT OUT THE COWS and trains and planes and other things to my children. They are missing so much. If it is not a device it’s the DVD player. Sure, it keeps them quiet but do I want them to be quiet? Maybe for a little while but not the entire ride. I’m pretty sure my mind would have been completely blown if I could have watched Annie in the car on the way to Grandma’s house when I was a little girl. Now they ask for a show on the way to Karate practice. Nope, sorry. I draw the line (usually).
I try to limit screen time, I do. But the truth is I want more screen time myself so I let them have more screen time. I am wrapped so tightly into this world, how could I expect my children to be any other way? Of course I can rationalize it by saying that we DO get out and do other things, because we do. But if the statistics on how our time is spent were to actually be analyzed I am afraid I would be gravely upset by the results.
It’s like we are on a bad diet full of carbs and too little protein. It’s like sugar or any other drug. My addictions are many.
I have decided that I do not want to pass this on to my children. But have I already? And where do I start? Is television okay but Minecraft is not? Is it still okay to share the Friday family night movie or should we only play games instead? I find it difficult to restrict my own time. I check Facebook so many times a day, I cannot count. And for what? I do not really know…
I am open to change and therefore open to suggestions. I have read books on this matter. And I liked them. However, I cannot seem to put them into play.
I am open to “fasts” and I will be the first to kick and scream (internally) through them. The fact alone that I blog keeps me tied to social media and the internet WAY more than I ever expected. Of course it is so different now than when I started. SO. Different.
I feel like something has to change in our household and even, if possible, in our society. I want my kids to see what is out the van window. I want them to marvel at a beautiful rainbow in the sky instead of creating one on their iDevice. I want them to hear the songs on the radio that I love and to remember them with fondness in their adult years when they hear them again. I want to talk to me and for me to hear them, instead of not knowing what is going on in their lives. I want them to talk to their friends instead of sitting right next to them with just a glow on their face, no words said.
So, I guess I am just not sure where to start. The words “cold turkey” scare me but I’m not sure if that wouldn’t be a good idea for a bit… Tim and I have discussed this many a time.
It may be that perhaps my BRAVE as the year draws to a close, is to see how it will go if I am silent online for a while… I’m pondering it, that is for sure.
What do you think? How does this make you feel? Can you relate a little or a lot? No judging. It’s BAD over here, y’all. I really want to know…
In the meantime here is a cute pic of my girl and our puppy. Photography will always be a thing I love, no matter if the internet sees my photos or not…
I think even people who DON’T blog, feel the pressure of being ‘on’ all the time. Information keeps coming at us at all angles. The need to share is deeply embedded, and to just say no to everything is hard. I don’t know where you can find the balance, but I hope you do. xoxo
Alison recently posted…Through The Lens Thursday #43: Sweet
It all crushes into us at some point. The amount of time we spend looking down. I remember a few months ago seeing that video the guy made about what if he never looked up. He would have missed the love of his life. It hit me like a mack truck. I have taken a long break. If you ever want to chat, you know I am here. I am just NOW considering dipping my toes back into my blog. It is scary. My kids now know what my face looks like without a phone. I don’t worry about posts due or commenting or writing. I really miss blogging, and I hope I can come back with more balance. I believe it is possible. I was unbalanced. I think if you need to take a step back, do. It can be impossible to see what will work when you are in the thick of it all. We will all be here no matter what. xoxo
You’re not alone. I just want you to know that. No matter what you decide to do, it will be the right thing for you <3
It’s so hard. I also work from home – so need to be online. But then find myself wondering down rabbit holes where I don’t need to be. I’m pretty much offline on weekends now and that helps my sanity.
tracy recently posted…On Getting The Behavior You Want…
Well, I live in the dark ages. Literally. I don’t own a smartphone. I don’t have an i anything. Neither do my kids. We don’t have video games in our house or a dvd player in the van. And yet even with just my laptop I can see how intrusive these devices can be. I have recently (this past summer) taken a big step away from the internet. It has just been bringing me down. You can’t go to any website, read any comments, log onto FB without hearing someone’s complaints, nasty, mean comments, political garbage, rants, etc. It just became too much for me. I even stepped back from my blog. I just wrote when the mood struck or if I wanted to remember something. Reading other people’s blogs became relaxing and enjoyable again instead of something I felt I had to do.
Last year I remember having such a hard time when my kids would come home from school. I was always finishing up a blog post and then they would have to start homework and they’d need my help. I ended being grumpy and quick tempered because my plan was foiled. This year I decided that whatever I wanted to do HAD to be done by 3 and after 3 it was all the kids’ time. I needed to be fully present for them. It has helped tremendously just to get in that mindset of being ready for them. Even with the enormous amount of homework this year I feel like I have loads more patience just because I don’t have my own agenda for what I want to do after 3. I know that is the time I need to be helping the kids. I know that may sound super obvious, but it just wasn’t to me. With Grace home much of the day it isn’t like I had all this free time to myself before the kids got home and I would resent them cutting in on what I wanted to do. This year I just changed my way of thinking I guess. It’s has really helped.
I really don’t have any other advice. I just know so many are struggling with it. My husband does. We are constantly telling him to put his phone away when he is home. He is always on it. Checking it. It is obnoxious. It does become like an addiction.
Every once in a while my hubby brings up possibly getting the kids an ipad but I just can’t do it. We have been doing so well without it for so long I just don’t see a reason to at this point. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a popular decision. People think that it means my kids are missing out on learning how to use technology but that is silly. My kids have used their cousins’ ipads, their dad’s smartphone, our laptop, etc., and they pick up everything in 2 seconds. And let’s be honest, kids are NOT using ipads for intellectual stimulation. It’s games. And my kids play the games too. They play clash of clans. They play Angry Birds. They play Star Wars Yoda Chronicles. But it is a once in a while thing on the hubby’s phone.
We are definitely not the norm, though. It is funny, one of my son’s friends thought we were farmers because we didn’t have any video games. ??? Ha!
I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe what I’ve been telling my husband. Have set hours when you just put the phone (ipad, etc.) away. It is family time. From 5-8 at night there is no checking the phone. The husband did this during Lent last year and it was SO nice. After a while he enjoyed the freedom he felt too.
Anyway, this is the day and age we live in, I guess. We are all just trying to figure it out. It will be different for each household. We each have to find what works for our family.
Sheesh. For someone who doesn’t have any advice I sure do have a lot to say. Good grief.
Great post Elaine!
Kat recently posted…Party Time
HOLY crow! I wrote all that? It looked so much less in this little box.
Sorry I just verbally vomited all over.
Kat recently posted…Party Time
I understand this. I love blogging and commenting, but the social media aspect of it all gets me down. I am trying to only check it a couple times a day (morning and evening), but that is hard. I have a friend who recently removed Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest from her phone and now only checks social media when she is at the computer. Here’s her post about it: http://www.chicagoparent.com/community/kari-wagner-hoban/blogs/social-media
I haven’t taken that leap yet, but I might soon.
Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone in this.
Shannon recently posted…Don’t Freak Out and Don’t Go Fetal.
I could have written this post. I seriously could have. Word for stinkin’ word. I’m always wondering what to do, and then don’t take any action on it. Trust me, you are not alone on this one.
Thea Rudland recently posted…Life before FaceTime
I’ve given this a lot of thought…because of how you’re feeling and thinking about how much time I spend online versus off.
Here’s my big bummer, I already feel a great amount of FOMO about blogging, SM etc because I feel like I just can’t keep up with everyone and everything going on on the internet and yet I want to just shut my phone or computer off (I don’t have a laptop) I go back and forth so often that I get sick to my stomach about how much time I dedicate and how much more I’d need to if I wanted to be as involved as you are etc. The truth is that I feel smothered by it and I’m no where near as invested in posting, writing etc as you are. Working full time outside the home with an hour commute one way is stealing that freedom of posting whenever/whatever I want to from me.
I don’t know what the balance is. I know that I love the interaction online, that I love sharing and cheering and reading but I also want my kids and husbands to know what I look like without my nose in the phone.
Sigh.
It’s an excellent and important question.
Kir recently posted…You’re Really Too Busy (to get the flu)
i agree with Angela – whatever you choose will be the right choice for you. I’ve taken notifications off my phone, and I think that helps the immediate distraction, but I still check it several times a day. I feel naked without it.
Leigh Ann recently posted…what I’m watching: documentaries & more
I read that article too and found it very thought provoking. I loved how I could relate to that article and your blog post…we are not alone with this issue. It’s so hard.
I was a huge TV addict as a kid and I feel like it sort of messed with my sense of reality and expectations, even into adulthood. I don’t want that with my kids and now there’s all the ieverythings to worry about.
I have no answer except that striving for balance is what I try to do…I put really firm limits on my kids with technology and they don’t get to do a lot on ianythings. And as they get older it is easier for me to grab some of my screen time while they are doing other things like school, or like right now my daughter has a friend over and they are playing dolls together and my boys are playing what is supposed to be touch football in the backyard and I am reading your blog and making dinner. 🙂
I feel like I am in sort of a sweet spot before all the teen years and crazy ieverything worries start in scary ways, ugh.
But listen, you know, do what is right for you and you are allowed to try something and change your mind and try something else and quit cold turkey and then start back up with everything or whatever you want to do and whatever is best for you. Good luck my friend.
Angela@JumpingWithMyFingersCrossed recently posted…There’s Hope
I know my head would explode if I tried to really do it all, all the time. I have great admiration for those bloggers who manage to keep fresh content and are well engaged on multiple social media platforms. I can’t say we’re perfect about screen time – goodness knows my kids get their daily dose, but we do have some limits. The biggest is that when we travel, we don’t allow movies for any trip less than 3 hours long. But I do think we need to stop and take more breaks as a family. If you do ever figure out the secret, let us all know!
Leslie recently posted…10 Most Popular Halloween Posts
I know we’ve talked about this a lot, and you know I’ll support you no matter what you decide to do, and I’ll ALWAYS be here for you.
I am both glad and not that you could relate to what I wrote. Obvs, I have no advice. I struggle too. It gets worse when I am tired and anxious. Maybe if we put more into self care in general, we wouldn’t “need” it so much. I don’t know. I’m tired and should go to bed. But I RELATE, if that was not totally apparent from the get-go. 🙂
Allison
Allison Slater Tate recently posted…Five Parenting Rules My Mother Taught Me to Break