Recently we were at a function where there were several kids and a bounce house. The B Man and a girl about his age (but a little bigger in stature) were playing inside the bounce house and she was getting a little rough. They were playing “swords” (they were invisible) and at one point she bent back B’s wrist pretty hard. I was looking on the whole time and she still did it even AFTER I told her several times to stop being so rough. I didn’t know this girl at all. I reacted and told B to get out of the bounce house immediately. He was fine but visibly upset and his hand hurt a little. I think his pride was hurt too. In the end she apologized and they continued to play together…
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Today we were at a local park and there were A LOT of kids there. It’s Spring Break here this week. I don’t usually worry too much about B at the park since this area happens to be gated and he usually just runs around inside and many times finds someone to “pal around” with. I was keeping one eye on K and one on G, as best I could around the large play scape.
Next thing I know, a woman many feet away from me is YELLING at B and asking him where is Mother is. I walk up and ask her what happened and she says he (meaning B) had “him” (points to a boy about 5 years old) pinned down and was hitting him.
By the way, this is SO unlike B and I’m guessing (I saw NOTHING) that he may have hit him once. And only if provoked.
By the time I got to B he was shaking and crying. He’s a pretty sensitive little guy.
This lady really freaked him out. He insisted RIGHT AWAY that we go home and had his face buried in my legs the whole time I tried to talk to him. He was stiff as a board and tears filled his face. I told him that if he hit the boy then he needed to go apologize and I repeatedly asked him to tell me what actually happened.
“I just want to go home! Please Mommy, can we PLEASE go home?”, he pleaded.
“Can you just tell me what happened?” I asked him as her eyes continued to glare at us from across the play area. I could feel them burning into me.
“I just got mad mom. Those boys were chasing me and one of them got on top of me and I got so mad.”
At one point he told me he felt bad as he continued to cling to me. So hard.
I saw the boy with whom he had the altercation and he was fine. Running around like nothing had happened.
But her glare made me feel like my son was the bad guy. Like I was a bad mother.
As I continued to calm him down they left the play area and B never did apologize. I still wish he had.
However the other mother really scared him and I think she overreacted a bit. And for that I wish she had apologized. B did not completely calm down until after we got home. She doesn’t know my child at all. She doesn’t know how he is. Should my son have hit someone? Of course not but she didn’t need to lash out at him the way she did. He’s still a child. I understand. We are all only human. But still.
And, as you read in the first story, sometimes we are on the other side of the line as parents. Times when we play defense for our kids. But this time I was on the side that I do not frequent, the offense, and I was unsure how to handle it.
Today I felt inadequate as a mother, in more ways than one…
And I didn’t like it.
This is loosely tied to the prompt for The Red Dress Club, to write about a fight. It’s not so much a memoir as a need to simply write out what happened and to get my feelings out. I’m curious, has this happened to you? How did you handle it? What should I have done differently? Parenting is hard sometimes.
I remember feeling completely helpless one time at the park. I was pushing Jude (the younger one) in a swing and watching Noah out of the corner of my eye. When all of a sudden a kid hit him so hard he fell down. Noah was just a little guy – barely 2 years old! He was so upset he took off in the opposite direction of me and the swing. I asked the MOm beside me to watch my youngest in the swing while I ran after Noah. I scooped him up and brought him back and I wanted to yell so badly at the Mother of this child who hit MY child and who seemed to have cared less about it all. I felt so so so completely helpless and unsure what to do.
I empathize totally with you. I’m not sure what more you could have done. I think debriefing it with B once he’s calm may be the best solution to future situations. I don’t think he was in any place to apologize. He’s just a kid. You did what was right, Mama. You protected your baby and got him out of there. That’ so tough. xo
Oh hon. Your writing, as always just pulls me in and I could feel your raw emotion as well as sweet B’s. I am so sorry this happened. I have no advice..but it sounds like you were just what B needed. Love you. xoxo
That woman should not have screamed at your child. You handled yourself perfectly.
This is so, so hard. You never get the 100% truth from kids. I always go into anything concerning my child that she wasn’t completely in the right, and then try to ferret out the truth. Which it sounds like that is exactly what you did. I wish other parents would do the same thing. Stuff with kids happens. Freaking out doesn’t help. If I had been her I would have first got the hitting (or hit) to stop and then I would have looked at my child and said, “what did you do?” Maybe that’s the right technique and maybe it isn’t, but I can’t imagine ever doing what she did.
Yes, that lady should not have screamed at your child, she should have went to you first and let you handle it…she could have asked your son where is mommy is. I do not think your son should apologize….to me it sounds like he was defending himself…and do not feel inadequate….the lady is the one who should feel that way.
Oh babe. I feel for you so much. YOU know your child, you know his heart, you want to scream at that mom that he’s not some bully, some meany. You did just fine.
Youngest was playing tag at preschool and pushed a little too hard on one of the girls – good Lord the mother took it out on me, in front of some other moms. I feel like he’s been labeled for the rest of the school year. And believe me, I’ve watched that girl – drama queen comes to mind. Glad we have 3 weeks left.
Meooowwww! 🙂
Sweet B Man. Hugs to him as well.
I think you handled the situation very graciously. True, B didn’t apologize, but as you mentioned the other mother should have apologized for overreacting and scaring him. If he was too upset to apologize then so be it. You focused on your sweet, sensitive boy because you are an awesome mother, Elaine. You did great!
I think you did the right thing. You handled yourself calmly and in a mature fashion. The other mother should not have lost her cool. Parents need to remember that they are ALWAYS being watched by their children and are ALWAYS setting an example.
She had no right to scream at your child. Yes, it wasn’t right that B hit another child, but the woman should just have made you aware of it and let you handle your own child. And she didn’t have to keep glaring at you. Congrats on not losing your cool!