I walked out into the parking lot and put my bag of goodies in the back of the van. I had just left the store with bars of chocolate and a decorative something something for the house and earrings I did not need but thought were cute, so I bought them too.
As I started the van I saw a young lady walking up to it, to me. She approached me just as I was about to go into reverse and motioned for me to put down my window.
I hesitated. What did she want?
She stood there with a piece of paper in her hand as I surveyed her face and clothes within a quick second. Red skinny jeans. Black tank top. Short, red hair. Backpack.
I pushed the button to make the window go down as cynical thoughts filled my mind. But she looked healthy, not sallow or strung out.
She shoved the piece of paper in my face and pointed at the words written in black Sharpie, with a pen in her other hand. She did not say a word, just used her eyes.
As I read I wanted to believe. It said she was part of a volleyball team of deaf girls and that they had recently won all of their games and now needed money for clothes and travel to go to a tournament. I glanced down the paper which included a list of many others who had contributed to her cause and had written their names and the amount they had given . At the end of her written plea she asked for $5.
I had just spent twice as much on a pair of earrings.
I quickly grabbed my wallet and looked for some cash to give her. I found $4 and handed them to her with a friendly smile on my face. She smiled back, mouthed “Thank You” and went on her way.
Later I sat at lunch retelling this encounter to Tim and I admitted to him that part of me wondered if she was honest about what the money would go toward. We agreed that it was a shame that I even had to go there in my head.
In reality there were a slew of other things she could possibly buy with the money she was collecting. Situations like this make me start to think about the state of our world and all of those people who cannot just walk into a store and buy a pair of “cute” earrings without a second thought, like me.
Sometimes I bear the weight of the world like a flower being pressed inside a book, with three more heavy books on top, forcing it to flatten and preserve. Sometimes that weight is too much.
So I decided not to think about the possibility that this young lady may have deceived me and instead chose to believe her.
My giving felt so much better that way.
And it probably felt better to the other woman I saw her talking to, after me, as well as the many other people listed on her paper.
Yes, we ALL chose to believe her.
I just really hope it was true.
I’d do the same Elaine. I give with good intent and let it go… people will do as they wish but I like to think the best.
It’s a shame that we live in a world where we have to think that way. I probably would have thought and done the same thing. It’s better to think the best of people, which is something I’ve been working on lately.
I totally hear you. I am so apprehensive when it comes to stuff like that. I try to go with my first gut feeling, but doubts always come creeping in. I want to make an effort to give people more the benefit of the doubt, I think we all should.
I hope it was true, too. I’d have done exactly what you did. I think giving people the benefit of the doubt is the way we should approach things in general. It’s so sweet that when you had the opportunity, that’s exactly what you did! 🙂 –Lisa
I get that feeling to all the time when I’m approached. I remember when I was in high school two younger kids came to me, one was crying and said she lost her money and didn’t have a way to get home. Without hesitation or a second thought, I reached into my pocket and gave her some money. It was only after they had gone that I realized she wasn’t REALLY crying; her sobs were fake and there were no tears. I was duped. So I totally understand your apprehensions.
I don’t blame you for thinking that way – my mind usually goes that way too. I’m just skeptical in general. But I do love your positive attitude – of wanting to believe. And choosing to. xo
I hope it was true too. It’s sad that our thoughts stray that way – mine would have, mine often do when in similar situations. Love the chalk rainbow.
I can be skeptical in general, and often short of cash. So I guess I’m not as helpful as I’d like to be. I think no matter what she needed the money for, yes, let’s hope it went to what she said it went to. Or if she needed food/water, etc. She was lucky to find YOU.
I go through this thought process often. I have been duped more than a few times, I’m sure. But, you know, it’s worth it, for the one or two or few times that I’m not – for those times when the need is real.
I once heard a preacher say that we give with an open hand and heart and it the person is being dishonesty — it’s on their conscience. I must admit that sometimes I do listen to the other voice that says they might be a con. But usually I give if I have the money.
It is a shame that you had to go there in your head, but I would have too. I also would have given her money. If we start being cynical and distrusting, what does that say about us? Like Anne Frank, I believe people are inherently good.
I would have thought the same thing, and felt the same way as you. I love that you gave and chose to believe her.
I always second guess as well. And if I had the cash in my wallet, I probably would have done what you did. I think it’s great that you acted on the faith that she was being honest. Sometimes, that’s more important than what the other’s person’s intentions really are.
I am so skeptical of people, and I hate it about myself. Depending on circumstances, I try to give when asked, but I always wonder what the money is REALLY for. I don’t like feeling like that, though, so I think it’s amazing that you chose to believe her. I need to do that myself.
this actually happened to me a few weeks ago. I was in the car with the boys waiting for John and a woman approached our car. She was not a teenager and part of the request scared me and shook me, but she asked for change and with my sons in the car I wasn’t sure whether I should be scared or considerate or both.
I ended up handing her three dollar bills (all I had in cash in my wallet) and I saw her walk to a car across the street and hand it to a man waiting in a car. Honestly, maybe her pimp or dealer , maybe. He sent her back to the other cars in the parking lot and I guess I could have wished away my giving, but then I thought about her not being hit or disrespected just once that day and I was glad that I did what I did.
I don’t talk a lot about what happens to me daily, or how is affects me, but your piece taught me something. That maybe, sometimes, these are the stories that need to be told.
so glad your heart told you to give her the money, I too will choose to know that she was using for it for what she promised you.
I am so glad to come here and read this and know that so many of us do the same things— we worry, but we give anyway. Because it’s the right thing to do and because deep down we trust that humankind is good and honest and true. And I liked what Kir had to say about how even if it went to someone else, it could’ve still kept her from some worse fate somehow.
love you.
We have to have that hope that there’s good in people, or we’d never want to leave our beds. I’d do the same thing.
I give to give – for my own heart. If it can benefit someone, all the better. But if they have lied, my heart was still in the right place so I didn’t lose.
I am a skeptic too and I hate that. It does feel better not to wonder though.
I would have done the same, Elaine, and felt exactly as you afterwards.
xo
Unfortunately my mind goes where yours went. Then a few seconds later, I hope it was legit and move on.
Funny how we think negatively first, eh?
I hope it was true too, and it’s sad that so many of us understand exactly how where your mind went though, me included!
I’m often a skeptical person, so I know my mind probably would have wondered what the money was actually for…but I probably would have done the same thing.
I will always be that person willing to believe and give up some money to help out rather than say no out of fear.
I remember when Todd and I were first married we took a trip to Chicago. While we were walking down the street a woman and her very young daughter came up to us and asked us for cash so she and her daughter could take the bus home. I right away started looking for cash but Todd (who had lived in NY for some time and was privy to this type of thing) told me he knew she was playing us. I couldn’t imagine a woman trying to run a scam in front of her young child. I insisted we help her but all we had was $10. Todd told the woman we would walk her to the bus and get her on and the bus driver could give us the change from the $10. When we put the woman on the bus Todd reached out to give the bus driver the $10 and the woman grabbed it, swiped her bus pass and ran to the back of the bus while the bus doors closed on us basically stealing the $10. Todd was so upset for me that maybe my innocence had been soiled but I just felt badly for the woman’s daughter. I pray that that $10 helped them in some way. And I am really thankful that it has never stopped me from believing people since then. I always want to err on the side of giving even if it means I’m a sucker. 😉
Well done, Elaine!!!
What a beautiful way to see things..I think we should all choose this way!