This roller coaster…

Sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down.

The ups are scary and the downs are scarier.

I’m in the downs right now.

I cannot run (still, yet, now, pain free, ugh).  This fact makes me a bit depressed.  And so I just want to EAT! The true definition of a vicious cycle in my life.

Sometimes I think it’s really not fair that I have “struggled” with my weight all my life.

I know in my heart that I will never be the skinniest one and I don’t even want to be.

But I JUST want to maintain a weight that I am comfortable with.

Comfortable with the number.

Comfortable in my clothes.

Comfortable in my skin.

Comfortable.

I’m not comfortable right now.

And I get so angry.  SO angry that I have to think about every damn thing that goes in my mouth.

Does it have too much sugar?

Or too much fat?

Or too many carbs?

Or just TOO MUCH of anything!!!

I don’t want to always live like this.

But I do.

I do live like this.

And I just wanna scream, “It’s NOT Fair!!!”  It shouldn’t be this way.

But it is.

It SO is.