Earlier this week I heard my priest speak outside of church. He was talking about the innate goodness in us. And how it is so much within us when we are children but as we get older and more jaded, it begins to disappear.
Now before you stop reading because I said “priest”, please know this post is not about religion. Instead, it is about seeing this goodness in everyone.
Can YOU see it?
I know I cannot always see it. Sometimes, depending on the person or the circumstances, it is extremely hard.
There have been times in my life when ALL I can see is the bad.
Bad, bad, BAD!
I have wanted to blame others for the things they said or did that I felt were so bad. I wanted to make them see that what they were doing was bad. I wanted to tell them to “wake up” or even point out how rude or destructive or plain “wrong” they were.
But the funny thing is, there have been instances in my life when someone could have, and maybe even should have, told ME the same thing. There could even be something going on with me like that RIGHT. NOW.
Here’s the thing, we are all human. We are all going to “F” up. It’s just how we are made.
But as I am growing older I am realizing I must change my focus. I posted about this recently with my own struggles with my weight. If you read here regularly, you know this. And by changing my focus, I am putting my lens on the GOOD, not the bad.
Think about this: If we spent even HALF as much time focusing on the GOOD in a person, versus the bad, how would that make them feel? How might that make them see themselves differently? How might it even make them change?
I certainly do not have all the answers. I just know that when someone says something good about me or to me, how I feel afterward. Better. I feel better. Maybe I wasn’t feeling so bad to begin with, but even so, I feel better.
So, I challenge you. If your husband leaves his underwear on the floor again tonight, don’t nag him (IKnowSoHard). Instead, think about something he did good for you today (or the day before) and pick them up yourself.
If your kiddo sasses back to you, yes correct them, in a loving way, don’t sass back (this is a big one for my OWN SELF!).
If your friend disagrees with you about something, tell them how you feel on the other side and why, but don’t argue or judge. Just make your point and move on.
There is still so much goodness in each of us.
Instead of being pissed that the guy cut you off on the road, slow down and let him go. Apparently he thinks wherever he has to be is more important but perhaps (doubtful, but you never know!) he will see your graciousness and pass it on.
I’m not trying to be preachy. And many (okay, all) of these reminders are for myself as well. There is goodness in ME. And sometimes I lose sight of that too. After all, I am human too.
But next time you’re in a moment or a conversation or a situation where things are not the best or you think someone is in the wrong, try to see the goodness first. I don’t guarantee it will change things but it may. And to me, that is worth a try.
One of my favorite photos of my boys, showing each other goodness…
Oh Elaine, I love you.
Man! Why don’t we live closer? Seriously. We are so simpatico.
I have just had a major shift in myself lately. I’ve been feeling so dark and down for too long and I just knew something had to change. I’ve been so moody (and honestly some of it I believe are health/hormone issues which I am trying to get under control) and unhappy and I need to change the way I act, behave, speak, and think.
My mom has, as you know, had many health problems in the last 8 years. Terminal cancer, open heart surgery, a stroke, seizures, pericaditis, problems with meds, etc. The list goes on an on. On top of that my siblings are worrisome, to say the least. Three of them have depression issues and there are money issues and blah, blah, blah. ANYWAY, the point of all that is that I was talking to my mom about how her brand new car was just hit in a parking lot (and the person never left a note so now my mom has to pay to fix it- AHHHHH!!!!) and I was feeling so badly for her. She just said, “Oh I know. It makes me so mad. But really, I’m just fine! I’m still happy. I’m just filled with joy.” And she was completely serious. That is just who she is. She is someone who seeks joy in all things. I need to be that person.
I need to actively seek joy.
Right after I had these thoughts I saw this beautiful cuff on Etsy that said “Seek Joy”. It was like a sign. That cuff will be mine. Oh yes. It will be mine. 😉
ANYWHO… I ramble today.
I get this post. I have been hit with the same thinking lately. I need to be a model for my children on how to be kind and loving and filled with joy. See good in others. Seek joy in all things.
Fantastic post, Elaine. Love it. 🙂
Kat recently posted…Stocking Up
Everyone needs more Elaine in their life, period. And then we would all have more goodness.
I love the spirit and tone of this post, my friend. xo
Kristin Shaw recently posted…Five minutes
This is a great reminder it’s so easy to get stuck on the bad stuff. I know I say to myself Julia your not going to complain or nag the hubs about X and then of course I find myself doing it anyway.
Julia recently posted…How to Take a Disney Vacation without Planning
Such great advice my friend. xo
tracy recently posted…Marathon Preparation – 5 Tips To Survive The Taper
What a great reminder for all of us! Just the other day, I was complaining about someone and my oldest (who has inherited my complaining gene!), said, “When I get home from school, I want you to tell me one good thing about _____.” That certainly put me in my place! Thank you for this important reminder!
Stacey recently posted…The ‘Last Quiz’
Yes, yes, this. I believe in this. Thank you.
Alison recently posted…50 Questions (Because I Need Something Easy To Do)
I love this. I notice with my kids all the time. They are always looking for that common link between them and someone else, innately seeking out what makes them the same so they can have that connection. I wish we did that as adults more often. I think it would go a long way to helping us see the good in others.
Jennifer recently posted…Fight the Cold, Not your Child
Thank you! I SOOOOO needed that today. Really – I needed it badly! Thanks for the reminder and I just LOVE the picture of your boys!
Tove M Stakkestad recently posted…Ten Best Ways to Keep Your Family Healthy This Season!
It’s so hard sometimes but so necessary! Life is just better when you can look for and find the good.
This post just makes me go Aw….
You are too right, my friend. If we all just stopped to see the good, the world would be a much better place. T
hank you for the gentle reminder.
Tonya recently posted…Seeing Chicago Through A Child’s Eyes
Such an important thought! I think especially today people are so quick to blame, to accuse and to find offense. We just need to remember we are all imperfect humans on a journey of trying to figure out who we are and what is right and sometimes that is hard, so we should all be a little more kind, a little more understanding and forgiving. Something I have to remind myself of daily as it so easy to slip back.
Emmy recently posted…An Alarming Tantrum
It’s hard, isn’t it? This life gig. To extend grace and see the good, look for the good. It’s WORK. Beautiful post. xo