Terrifying

I had a terrifying dream the other night.

It was one of those where you find yourself halfway between the dream and real life and knowing it’s just a dream, but still, you are sort of stuck there.

I woke up crying in my bed, the morning light barely starting to show through the blinds.

I dreamed that one of my children drowned.

I never saw his face but in the dream I knew which one it was.

While in the dream I was with my three children and we were at a lake with some “unidentified” friends (couldn’t tell who in the dream). Tim and the husband friend had gone off in a boat and I was left to oversee the three children.

I got to talking to the wife friend and before I knew it we’d been talking a while and I didn’t know where my kids even were.

I ran over to the edge of a pier and all I could see was one tennis shoe floating barely above the surface. At first it looked like an adult shoe but as the leg was lifted more from out of the water (by what I do not know) I could see it was my child’s leg and I knew it had been too long for him to survive. I just stood there. Frozen.

And then I woke up.

It was really hard for me to just type that all out.

I’m crying again now.

One of my biggest fears in this life is that I would see one of my children die. I know it happens to others but I’m not sure if I could survive it…

I laid there crying while Tim continued to lightly snore next to me and I prayed to God for Him to protect and keep my children, in His hands, no matter what.

And then my mind was reeling with the details about where my other two children were. I never saw them again in the dream. But I felt like they were okay, somewhere. But I wasn’t sure.

I continued to question myself. Why didn’t I make sure they were all okay? WHAT?!?!?! What, was wrong with me?

I’d failed them all.

It was horrible. Just horrible.

That morning, during real life, I hugged him tighter and held him close.

I couldn’t bear to EVER lose him.

That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.

They are all here. I am blessed and thankful.

NO more dreams like that please.

No more…