Scattered

A friend of mine said the other day that she felt “scattered” and I immediately thought, “Me too.”

It’s sort of hard for me to focus lately. There are so many things I want to do, with regards to my writing and other goals that I have.

But meanwhile…

I am in the midst of a divorce. The laundry has to get done, the lunches must be packed and meals cooked when the kids are here. My desk in my office is a mess, with papers and books and passwords for all the online places. There are notebook sheets ripped out, filled with words I have written. There are pictures of my kids, there are ponytail holders. There are empty-ish coffee mugs and cereal bowls that held salad instead. There is a sand pail FULL of markers – because that is how we roll for kid art supply storage around here.

I need to grocery shop and put that laundry away while at the same time I need to keep writing my book and write THIS post and take out the trash.

The dishwasher needs to be emptied and I need to close Facebook so I can get all this stuff done. But my other job is on Facebook. I use it to make money. Crazy concept.

The towels need to be folded.

The dog needs his medicine and so do two kids.

The floor in the kitchen needs to be swept AGAIN because G made chocolate chip cookies and with that he also makes a big mess.

I write myself notes and make lists to remember. I put things in my phone with “alerts” to remember. I make sure I get there and the kids get here, and by the end of the day I am zonked.

An advisor of mine (yes, I have a couple of those now) recently gave me a book with a daily inspirational reading. I am behind on reading it. But every time I do, I get something out of it. It’s like if we just STOP, we can take in so much more than if we go, go, go…

My doctor put me on an appetite suppressant to jump-start some weight loss. The week before last I weighed more than I ever have without being pregnant. I decided I better start paying attention to that not-so-great number, mostly for my health, but also to stop buying bigger jeans. I have already lost 6 pounds. Honestly though, I think most of it is in my head. Mind over matter, you know?

Yes, mind over matter. Ever day.

Yet, I still feel this way, like somewhat A.D.D. And I don’t mean to make light of those who actually are, but sometimes I just feel like I have no real focus.

Maybe if I make a list of what to focus on…

Write a book!

Publish an anthology!

Take photos of my friends and their families!

Read a bunch of books!

Take a writing course!

Join a writing group!

Get a full time job!

Lose 20 pounds!

Do a local TEDx talk!

Speak at a blog conference!

 

But what about…

Snuggle and talk to the kids!

Relax!

Watch a movie!

Take a walk with a friend!

Volunteer!

Call a family member!

Make a home cooked meal!

Sleep!

 

I guess it comes back to that whole idea of “balance”, which I don’t really completely understand because I know I am not good at that. I just wish I felt more even keel and less “scattered”. Maybe some day.

Now on to the next thing…