Rocking

We’d just come from swimming at a birthday party, where she twisted and twirled in the water while clinging to her “floatie” for over an hour.

Afterward she filled her belly with a sugary cupcake and left a rim of frosting around her little lips.

We are home now and she is so tired but still wants to play with her brothers.

Daddy kisses her goodnight and I get to rock her to sleep tonight.

Some nights I rush but not tonight.

My body is tired too and I relax into the cushiony rocker in her room.

Some nights she wants another book or song but tonight it is dark and cool and she folds into my arms and breathes deep.

I run my fingers through her softer than soft hair and wish for this moment to last and last and last.

But I cannot keep it forever and my Momma heart mourns it as I realize…

She is almost two and I have no idea how it came to pass so fast.

Memories of her baby-dom flash across my brain and soul…

As she falls asleep I think about how my oldest baby no longer fits in my lap and barely in my arms.

Picking him up isn’t really even an option.

And my second baby will be there soon too.

She’s my last. I HAVE to sit here as long as possible. She will be like them all too soon…

But I know she will be more comfortable in her bed, with her blanket draped over her, her body in the position it knows so well.

And I am ready for sleep too.

This chair is nice but it is not my own bed.

But still, I sit for just a little bit longer, breathing her in, rubbing her back and committing it all to my memory as best I possibly can.