My friend Audra and I used to like to play Barbies at her house. One time her mother walked in on us playing and we both had our “Ken’s” on top of two of the “Barbies” (my favorite one was actually named Samantha, by me) and they were “kissing”. She came into the room and told us to maybe have the “girls” go shopping together instead or something like that. She broke up our plastic doll make-out party.
I also “played Barbies” with my cousin a lot at my Grandma’s house when we would go there to visit. I would be so excited if Sandra was there too so that we could dress and undress our dolls together and sometimes we even fought – over what, I do not even remember, but we did. Probably over a set of tiny, plastic shoes. Who knows.
I had several Barbies, probably about a dozen or so. Some were old hand-me-downs, as were some of the clothes I had for them. I did get a few new Barbies for Christmas a couple of years running and I especially liked this particular one that came with an ink pad, that when applied to her lips, she actually “kissed” things. You know, like Ken. 🙂
So, fast forward 30(something) years and my mother decided to “donate” my old Barbies to me a while back. Once I got them to our house I simply chucked the box into K’s closet and thought nothing of them. At the time, she was too young to play with them and frankly, is not really one to play with dolls very much at all.
For K’s third Christmas her grandfather sent her a set of Disney Princess dolls, which are basically the “Barbie” version of the princesses and she has barely looked at them (sorry Granddad). Honestly, dolls are not really her thing. She will occasionally push a baby doll around in a doll stroller or “feed” a doll from her play restaurant but even my old Cabbage Patch dolls are of little interest to her.
However, the other day we were playing in her room and she came out of her closet with the box full of my old Barbies, tacky 80’s clothes and all. She handed me one of the plastic ladies and an outfit, “Mom, she’s naked, she needs to get dressed! Put this on her!” I couldn’t help but laugh a little to myself as I received this “old” doll of mine, that I spent hours dressing and undressing during the days of my own childhood. And the outfit K gave me to put on this doll was especially amusing.
But then, as K played on and I struggled to finagle this tiny little outfit on to this piece of plastic, I started to really look at “her”.
I tried to remember what I used to think of Barbie’s body when I was little. All I could recall was that I just thought she was a doll and because they all looked the same that was how Barbie dolls were supposed to look. Did I think actual women were supposed to look that way too? Not that I remember. I knew my mother did not look like her. Or any of my aunts. Or any of my mom’s friends or really any lady I had ever met or known in real life. She did kind of look like the ladies on the Miss U.S.A. pageant, however, especially when in her Barbie bikini. But any “real” women I knew? Nope, she did not personify them at all.
Of course, as a child, I did not think about what this really meant. Not at age eight or even ten or twelve.
So I started to wonder what kind of example I was giving to my daughter. Would SHE think that women were supposed to look like this in real life or would she just carry on like I did and somehow know that this is just a doll and not real life at all?
I think part of the reason I did not have a skewed perception is because my mom never made a big deal about it and she NEVER talked down her own body or her looks or compared herself to others. At least not around me. Maybe she did it in her head sometimes (like I do now) but she never vocalized any disdain for her own body and she rarely if ever commented on other woman being too heavy or too thin. In other words, she was an excellent example for me in regards to body image.
I truly hope I can be this for K like my mother was (and is) for me. So, I will let her continue to play with the Barbie dolls but I will also make sure she knows that healthy women come in all shapes and sizes and that NO ONE naturally looks like Barbie because she is JUST A DOLL.
And thank goodness no one dresses like her from the 80’s either… 😉
(at least I really hope not)
Great post! I agree, I never thought about Barbie’s body as being real as a kid–but now I hesitate to buy anything like her for my daughter. I think what comes out of our mouths as mommies is much more important than what they see in a plastic doll.
Sweet 80s outfit:)
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Gosh, I hope Scarlet never finds my old barbies. I liked to make mine “anatomically correct.” I was an artist’s daughter, you see. I drew nipples on them. And..uh..cut their hair and glued it elsewhere.
Why am I admitting this? Because I didn’t accept their bodies as real-looking and I wanted them to be!
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I totally agree! I loved Barbie as a kid but I never imagined that she was how I should look or how any one looked. The only part of Barbie that I took notice of as a kid was that her feet were permanently up so that she appeared to be in heels or on her tip toes. To me Barbie was always just a doll not some ideal that I was trying to achieve.
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I love your attitude. I think it’s very healthy. I’m cool with my kids playing Barbies too but i also wan them to know that women and people come in all shapes and sizes and that Barbie’s size is not the ideal.
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So something that is really hard for me? My parents are immigrants, and I consider myself, if I have to check a box, to be black. It was really hard growing up because there weren’t a ton of black Barbies, and if there were, they all had this long flowy hair. I used to pray and wish as a kid that I would wake up with my hair like hers, and thinking of it now, I wish we didn’t have those dolls in the house. Now I’m tall with long locs, and I’m hoping that someone will guide me in the right way when it’s time for the girls to get dolls. We will see!
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I loved my Barbies! I didn’t think about Barbie’s body either when I was playing them. It was only brought to my attention when I was much older and people were making a big deal out of them. I know you will be a great role model for K!
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I didn’t really think about Barbie being real when I was young, either. I think you are right, Elaine – the messages we send are way more important than those Barbie does.
Also? I totally remember that Barbie with the ink pad that could kiss things. 🙂
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I really love this Elaine, both for the memories and moments but also for the point that it’s about Barbie’s image and looks, but it really comes down to our language and our mothering.
Well done, mama!
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Really fabulous post, Elaine. It is a good thing to think about. I too am a little wary of Barbies, as were my parents when I was growing up. I did have Barbies but was “late” getting them. I begged for them, until finally, one year for Christmas, I got them.
For me, I might have thought about looking like that when I got older, and about getting boyfriends like Ken and about kissing them. But more importantly than Barbie, I think you’re making a GREAT decision to not talk about your weight or other’s weight in front of your kids – boys and girls included.
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I had tons of Barbies and never questioned the way they looked (I probably tired to feed them, because that hip look painful). I think you’re doing all the right things, my friend – and the 80s are totally making a comeback 🙂
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That is one fine lookin’ pant suit she is sporting in that photo. I had the kissing Barbie as well. And this is exactly what I’ve always thought. She’s a doll. A toy. I never thought I was supposed to look like her, and with my dark brown hair and hazel eyes I would have known that wasn’t an option. I just thought she was a pretty doll with neat friends and cool accessories.
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This is really fabulous and you make such a good point about your own mother. My mom was the same way with body image. I never heard her talk (good or bad) about her own body, or anyone else’s for that matter, so as a kid I just never thought about it much.
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Oh my goodness does that outfit bring back memories. One of my friends had it. I did not – sadly.
I never really thought about Barbie being a real person. There was no body-image comparison leading to confusion for me, either. Like you said, Barbie was just a doll. What a great point you brought up – dolls don’t create body image. People do.
And mine always made out with Ken. These days, Barbie makes out with Justin Bieber, or Zack from High School Musical. She could do worse, I guess.
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I was thinking about this the other day, too! I do NOT have any ill memories of barbies, I literally cannot even recall a time I looked at her and thought “I want to look like her” or ANYTHING. We’ve not yet hit the barbie-phase with Em. But at some point I think I’ll have to deal with this/think through it more. 🙂
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I am glad to hear that most people did not idolize Barbie’s body when they were little. It makes me feel better about K playing with them! 🙂
I’ll have you know I wore an outfit just like that last night! 😛
I don’t remember ever thinking I, or anyone else, needed to look like Barbie.
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