My Love

He comes into the kitchen in his dress pants and button down shirt, clean and fresh, ready for a day of work and meetings and things I can only grasp a little.  I hand him a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon and ask, “Do you want a coffee?”  I smile at how handsome he looks and take in his manly scent.  We both nag the boys to make sure they have everything as they get ready to go out the door and into their Dad’s truck for school drop-off.  Before he leaves I kiss his face, now bearded, and tell him to have a good day.

As he leaves he takes a little part of my heart with him.  I say a silent prayer that he stays safe.  I miss his face.

 

In the kitchen that evening everyone has eaten their dinner and I am almost done with the dishes.  He sits and tells me about his day and helps a child with homework.  We go about the little nightly chores and help the kids get ready for bed.  At one point he comes to me by the sink and we wrap our arms around each other in a familiar hug.  I sigh, so glad he is home here, with us, our family.  I can feel his strong arms around me and they comfort and calm me.  He is my rock.

 

He’s asleep again, how can men fall asleep so easily. I wonder.  I just don’t get it and I probably never will.  He can sleep on a sofa or a chair or of course, a bed.  He can snore in the passenger seat of our van (although that is not hard for me either).  Sometimes I get agitated that he is sleeping because I think he should be awake like me.  Other times I know he just needs to rest and I let him.  He works so hard all week.  I don’t know his stresses, just like he cannot know all of mine.  Our separate jobs are very different.  But I love him for taking care of us, of me.  I know it weighs on him.  I know he does it out of love and commitment and that means so much to me and to our relationship.

 

It’s dark in the bedroom, besides the small light from the DVR box.  I hate that light.  My head is nestled in the crook of his arm, our “snuggle” position.  This spot and this intertwining of our bodies has been a place of comfort for me for so very long now… This night we’ve talked our heads off about things going on in our lives, in our life together.  I’m tired and he is too.  There’s so much.  SO much between us, the history.  The bad times and the good.  But in between all of that is the love and the family we’ve built and all the memories we share from the beginning, almost 20 years ago.  Things he remembers well, that I cannot.  I’m counting on his memory.

 

He asks her to come hug him and she plants a little kiss on his lips and says “Goodnight Daddy”.  To see him with our daughter melts my heart.

He and our firstborn work on math homework together, and he encourages our son that he can do it.

Our middle child looks SO very similar to his childhood pictures, there is no denying him.

 

At lunch one day, by ourselves, we go over our family schedule and just have time for the two of us in the middle of a hectic week.  Part of me wants to get up and sit next to him but the other part loves being across from him and looking into those wonderful blue eyes that two of our babies also have.  I grab his hand and tell him that I love him. He says, “I love you too, Bur.” (long story on the nick name) He lets me take his picture and I tell everyone that will see, that I’m having lunch with MY guy.  My LOVE.

He gives me so many reasons not to mind that he leaves his socks and underwear on the floor. 🙂

 

He loves to watch his Cowboys and to eat angel hair pasta with his Italian food.  He looks really good in any blue-ish colored shirt.  I love it when he wears a dress shirt under a sweater.  I am very keen on the beard, which I never thought I would be!  He smells good.  His hand in mine still makes my heart flutter.  When he’s gone, even for one night, I miss him.  Sometimes he makes me say things under my breath like “oh my gah, you make me so mad”, because he does.  But forgiveness and grace are key in any relationship.  The marriage ones especially.  Also, I know I make him really mad sometimes too.  Neither of us is perfect.  But I still think we are perfect for each other.

 

And I always go back to the day we met in my mind and Thank God we were both in the same place at the same time.

Thank you for being my partner in all things, my beloved Tim.

 

This is the last of four posts this week for my loved ones.  You can find the others HERE, HERE and HERE. <3