The Miss Elaine-ous Life

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Life Lessons Learned Through Another Mother

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So there’s this other Mom I know in the community that I run into quite a bit.

For the sake of this post, let’s call her Julie (that is NOT her name and for the life of me I can’t remember it right now, so it could possibly be her name, but I’m about 98.356% sure it’s not).

Julie’s son and my son go to the same school. Julie’s been to a few of the same birthday parties as me. Julie and her family go to the same church as us. Julie goes to the same gym in town that we do.

So you get it right? I see Julie out and about quite a bit.

We’ve talked a few times after Zumba or while waiting for our child to get out of school (during the times I’ve actually walked up to the front to get him).

But we’ve never really “gelled” as they say. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s her, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s both. Maybe we just don’t “gel” well.

I’d like to be her friend. I’d like to be most people’s friends but when we do talk it seems forced and just a formality. Like something we “have” to do. You know the drill.

Part of it, at least from my perspective, is that she always seems distracted or in her own little world. Like even when I’m talking to her she’s already moved on to the next thing in her head, her eyes looking past me even.

So then it got me wondering if I ever “seem” that way while talking to others…

Today, as I drove through the car pick up line to get The B Man, I saw her walking away from school, slowly behind her son AND husband. Yes, her husband and her both come to get their son EVERY. DAY. And she wears scrubs and I’ve heard (she didn’t tell me, someone else did) that she’s a surgical nurse at one of the hospitals in town.

I watched her through my windshield, as she walked along carrying her son’s backpack on her shoulder and she had kind of a weird/strange/sick look on her face and then I wondered… Maybe she is carrying other burdens on her shoulders that I don’t even know about. I realized then and there…

I really know NOTHING about this woman.

She could be going through some stuff that I have no idea what it is.

Who knows why her husband comes along every day in shorts and a t-shirt, to pick up their son. Perhaps he lost his job. Maybe she brings “home the bacon” and she’s more tired than I could possibly imagine. Maybe someone died at the hospital today.

I have no clue.

All we’ve ever exchanged are pleasantries.

So then it got me wondering if I have a “funny” look on my face, what do people think may be going on in my life?

Anyway, I’ve learned a few lessons here (just since I’ve been typing).

You won’t be friends with someone just because you have a lot of “around town” places in common.

REALLY listen to people and look at them when they are talking to you because otherwise they may not think you are actually listening to them.

And always try to wear a smile in public (notice I said try) no matter what’s going on in your life.

That’s all. Carry on.

elaine

Comments

  2. I have learnt alot from reading this post too. You can never judge a book by its cover so to speak. I had a falling out with a friend once because she thought I didnt care about her enough as I never asked her how her and her family were doing (individually speaking). Asking in a txt ‘hey hun hope all is ok with you and yours?’ apparently didnt cut it. Ive learnt from that experience to hone in and be more specific which is good advice when meeting new people also.

    Thanks for sharing – very interesting post KC xx

    http://www.katecollings.blogspot.com – Always welcoming new followers, guests and comments xx

  3. Very wise words, Elaine. I learned from them, as well. I recently passed judgement on another Mom here that I often run into. Not because of anything she has said or done to me (actually, I quite like her and think we could be friends) but because of her past. Not something bad in her past, mind you, but I dismissed her as shallow, nonetheless. Ah, conviction.

  5. Wow, this is so true. We all have so much on our plate that sometimes we forget that others are in the same boat, or worse. I think it is always a good idea to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and to keep an open mind. This is a really good reminder of that.

  6. Oh, reading this made my heart so sad, for her, and it’s true- so many times I’ve thought someone doesn’t like me but really, it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with what they had going on in their life… how selfish of me to first think of myself before considering the myriad of things that could be the real situation. And of course- I can be the same way. True- there are times in my life that it’s just too hard to put on that fake smile, and sometimes I push people away when I don’t even really mean to.

    I think there might be a reason you run into her all the time. I hope you can nourish a friendship or at least an acquaintance out of her… you never know… 😉

    Steph

  7. You so wise Elaine and this is valuable advice. I am going to take it. There is a mom that I run into at school that drives me bonkers. I am going to try to remember that she likley doesn’t mean waht she says…at least I hope not.

  9. Great post. I completely agree with the advice. I’ve wondered that a couple of times about people I “sort of” know, what they have going on in their lives – you just never know.

  12. Oh, Elaine, what a loving heart you have! This is so well said, and something I needed to hear myself! As a teacher, I really try to have that smiling welcoming face, but sometimes I just can’t do it! Bless you, sweetie! AND I’m looking forward to seeing your sweet hubbie at church on Sunday . . . Michele can’t wait, either!!

  13. This is SO true. My mom always stressed this to me growing up. To try and be kind and compassionate to everyone you meet because you never know what kind of hell they might be going through on the inside.
    Great post, Laney! 🙂

  15. Yes. Yes. Yes. And one more lesson you just gave me – don’t put everything on ourselves. It’s not you. Or me. It’s not something we do wrong. You just never know where someone else is in their life or what pain they are battling behind their eyes.

  17. Hey girl…how has your year been going so far?? Ours is great!! Are you talking about me?? 😀 Nope…I don’t go to the gym..no time/ energy for that! HA! I KNOW that I am scattered-brain and often catch myself wandering around lost..”what was I doing/ sayin??” So now I have to be MORE FOCUSED in public!! You are soo sweet, thinking of others.. we’ve got to get together soon! Oh, and I’ve got a new mom in my “class” this year..she’s from Austin!! Happy Bday week Baby K!! What a sweet year it has been! 😀