Leaving

I am leaving for Christmas. I have to go because I will not be with my children on Christmas this year. That is going to be crazy tough, no matter where I wake up that morning.

These are the times when I tend to stop short and wonder how life turned out this way. Not being with my children on one of my favorite and most blessed days of the year, is heart-wrenching for me. And if feels so wrong. I know a lot of people do it, but I wasn’t going to be one of those people. I am starting to cry just typing about it.

I am going to do my best to distract myself by going to Canada and spending time with my dear cousin and her sweet family. I hope it works. I mean, I know it will in some ways. I am elated to possibly have my first “white” Christmas ever, and to join in on her family’s traditions. However, I know on Sunday I will miss seeing my children’s faces that morning, as they unwrap their presents. I will miss kissing their sleepy heads and hugging them tight. I will miss watching them play and enjoy the new things they have been gifted with.

I know they will be fine. They will still be with family that loves them. They will enjoy the day no matter what. I pray they will remember and reflect on what Christmas really means, as they attend mass. I don’t want them to miss me as much as I will miss them. Because I would never want them to feel this way.

Please, if your family is all together this holiday season, cherish that. It is worth so much. I know families can be difficult at times, but even through those challenges, loving those God put in our life (especially through birth) is so very important.

The time I spend with my children has become more precious this past year, in general. They are three bright lights of my life, given to me by the Father. I thank Him every day for their existence, their health and their love.  And I thank Him for surrounding me with so many blessings, despite the difficulties of this past year.

Merry Christmas from me and my three (and Ollie).

I hope you are surrounded with peace & love this time of year…