Sometime last Saturday was the last time Little G nursed. As far as I can tell it was the last time EVER. Today he didn’t even try to go there.
And now, I am crying.
It’s the end of something that at first I wasn’t even sure I wanted.
The end of something I realized I wanted to fight for and worked hard to make happen.
The end of something that for a while there, I never thought I could keep doing.
The end of something so good and special and perfectly designed that I can’t believe it’s done.
The end of an era.
I didn’t nurse The B Man because it just didn’t work out for a myriad of reasons. Because of that and other factors I really wanted it to work the second time around. And it did and so well and wonderfully (well, except for that nasty bout with mastitis).
But then today, it hit me.
I won’t ever hold him across my lap as he stares up at me with his ashen eyes while I stroke his soft blond hair and cherish our time together, just the two of us…
But really, who am I kidding? The kid was basically doing calisthenics on me at this point while taking his 5 minutes to soothe himself cause honestly, not much of anything was coming out of there anymore.
Not to mention, he was down to just one side (I weaned him off the other one a while ago) and I am physically quite ready to be finished.
But emotionally it may take me a few days to cope with the fact that WE are DONE with what I do believe is one of the most important and beautiful things I have ever done for my son and in my life.
(Here we are, in the early days, between nursing sessions)
of course I’ve never been there but I can imagine what a sad milestone it is…
Weaning is so bittersweet! There’s no getting around it – and thank goodness there’s no getting around it! It just sucks sometimes that they get bigger, huh?
Oh yes, I so get this! Both my babies self-weaned (at 12 and 15 months, respectively) and I honestly think it must be harder for the mother that way (as opposed to the mother slowly weaning the baby off the breast). Simply because you don’t KNOW when it’s the last feed. And then BAM, it’s over.
But you’ve given G the very best start in life, so just remember that. I know you’ll miss the close contact, but hopefully you can still have that with snuggles & cuddles, even though he’s not nursing anymore.
((hugs))
It’s very hard emotionally – I had hard times with my first two and know I will with this baby (who is my last). My doc always warns me that your hormones can fall out of sync when you wean, b/c your body will stop releasing the nursing hormone (I forget the name right now . . . ). So it is very normal to feel sad, emotional, etc. but in a few weeks everything will probably be back to normal. And I’m sure he’ll always be back to snuggle with mom – no matter what age he is 🙂
I used to tell myself ‘NEVER forget how much this sucks!'(no pun intended) I enjoyed the bond, but not much else.
I always thought I’d be thrilled when it was over… but I felt the same way you do. And I refuse to get rid of my Boppy pillow.
Ciara ended up gradually weaning herself after I had to have my gallbladder out. I would have kept going longer if it had been up to me. I did manage to stretch things to 2 months past my surgery. I think she would have been content with bottles, but I wasn’t. Once I finally realized that I was doing it mostly for me, the decision to stop was pretty easy. I can see how it would be especially difficult to not have that one last time.
Awwwww.
I can completely relate. It’s a freeing feeling and at the same time there’s such a profound sense of loss.
*sigh*
Bittersweet…exactly what I was going to say.
And, then there will be something else that will change or they will stop doing and you won’t want that to stop, either!
It’s so sad and happy at the same time.
Big hugs–it’s not just emotions, but hormones too so take it easy 🙂
I know I am going to have time when Spanky weans but right now I can email you a long list of what sucks about nursing a toddler.
Hang in there…those “nursing hormones” make you feel worse about it than you will actually feel in a week or so! I know EXACTLY how you feel…only for me, it was reversed…I was finally able to BF Caden after a tortuous start…but, only was able to do it to 6mos because I started losing my supply…And, he started biting me!
With Cole, I was so excited to start off the right way “knowing what I was doing” and I wasn’t ever able to nurse him because he was in the NICU, wouldn’t latch, and then seemed allergic to my milk! Giving it up with Cole was the HARDEST decision I ever made…I was in pure agony over it! But, after a few days…those hormones did fade and I did feel a WHOLE LOT BETTER about it. I still wish I could be nursing my baby though…he would have made such a good breast baby!!
Hi, I love your blog. I put a link to it on mine:
Adventures of a Millennium Mom http://adventuresofamillenniummom.blogspot.com/
Also, I raided your blog roll and was so happy to see so many other awesome mom blogs on the net.
I was sad the last time my little guy nursed too. But you’ll get over it…eventually.:) My little guy is 18 months now, and every now and then, I still catch him making that cute little latch-on face when i’m holding him.
Aw…very sweet…bittersweet, I know. What memories nursing creates for us…even if the children don’t realize what we did for them, it is so very special for the mamas!!
Passing the kleenex,
Tina
oh friend this just makes me sooo sad. really. when i thought beans was done a few weeks back i thought i had truly hit bottom. then she came back and we are now in full wean process. and i hate it. really. hate it.
the hormones. the emotions. it’s all just crazy!!
wish i could send more than hugs – but please know that i am thinking of you 🙂
I know exactly how you feel, it’s wonderful and tiring and lovely and painful and amazing and a pain in the ….
But when it’s done? It’s so final and like a chapter is closing. But I cherish the memories. I can still feel let down in my mind if I visualize.
Ok. I am weird, it’s official.
It is an adjustment, isn’t it? Buddy weaned himself at around 11 months and I weaned Monkey because he started biting me every time he fed. It was very ouchy. He was around 10 months. I missed the closeness. Especially with Buddy, who is not otherwise very into snuggling.
Aww weaning is rough… BUT you HAVE YOUR BOOBIES BACK! 😉 tee hee.
21 years ago I went through the same thing. I can almost remember the sadness/joy. But one day, while emerging from the shower, I noticed my misshapen nipples and THAT will stay with me until I die. Those, along with stretch marks and C-section lines are our battle scars.
Awwww! I know exactly how you feel. It was the same way with me and N. I had originally planned to wean at a year old, but then we reached that milestone and neither of us was ready. So I decided to continue indefintitely, and I didn’t think she’d ever willingly give it up. And then one day aroud 15 months old, I went to nurse her and she looked at me like “what the heck, Mom, why would I want to do that?!” And she never nursed again. I was glad weaning was so “easy,” but it was still emotional…and part of me still misses it.
Aww. I know! It is so bittersweet. You want so badly for them to grow up and yet it can be so painful to watch. It just goes by so quickly!
*sniff, sniff*
I’m always a WRECK for about 2-3 weeks after stopping nursing. And THEN I do the happy dance. j/k. Seriously……..I remember feeling that way. HUGS!
Look how snuggly he is! I know I will be sad when Butterfly weans, but thankfully we still have a while to go.
Ah elaine. I’m just beginning this journey (the third and last time for me). It post made me teary-eyed. You have done your baby proud. I will be sad as well when our nursing days end. Just think of all the things you can do now!!!!!
I liked to this post on my post today : ).
While it is a bit freeing, it is sad at the same time.
HUGS.
Awwww, now I wanna cry! Sooo sweet!
Kaitlyn is weaned and it just kinda happened. Sometimes I wish Ethan were but I still love looking down into his eye’s too. At night I wish he didn’t want it and I only have a few drops of milk left. It is a cmfort thing.
I will miss it too when he is done. Time for another;-)
Bittersweet for sure! Those moments with them, especially when they are so new and tiny are just priceless. But, the freedom of being done is nice too.
It’s very bittersweet, isn’t it? I know the mastitis pain – got it twice inside of a month and that was it. I hope I can be like you and am successful if there’s another.
Awwww. That is bittersweet. I’ve been there. But let me say there are going to be so many more milestones. I’m having that bittersweet feeling today with my little girl/young woman.
So many can relate to your words, but your post title, that in itself brought a lump to my throat.
I WISH MY KID WOULD SELF-WEAN!!! He’s 14 months and I swear he can sense that I’m trying to cut him back and thus he DEMANDS yet MORE time for nursing. What’s up with that? I had him down to once a day and now he’s back up to two and yet wants more than that!
*sigh* I hope he decides to abandon it ASAP!