The Miss Elaine-ous Life

random acts of life, family and photos

In Line at Target…

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I stood in line at Target behind a woman who bought half the store.  Seriously, no idea how she fit it all in her cart.  I glanced at her Louis Vuitton bag and Lulu Lemon wind breaker and cute braided hair and wondered where her kids were.  If she had any.

Mine were at home with their Dad.  I asked for an hour (turned into an hour and half, oh well) to scan the Christmas clearance at one of my favorite stores and perhaps look at a few other things too.  I was alone, shopping. It was good.

But then I got sandwiched between “bought-half-the-store girl” and a family of four in this line so long I contemplated buying a coffee beverage out of the little fridge in the check out just to keep myself awake while I waited.  And after I reconsidered I glanced two lines over to a couple so young, so happy, so vibrant.

She rubbed her ample belly with one hand as he smiled down at her from over her shoulder.  The look on his face said it all.  So proud, full of love.  I smiled openly at the sight of them.  I did not see any other children trailing behind them and so from their outward happiness and parental glow, I said to myself, “Must be their first.”  And then I took myself back.  Back to those days of pregnancy with my first.

I stood there recalling the anticipation and the reading of the books and articles and the advice given freely from others.  I remembered how amazing it was to feel those first kicks, as I laid in our queen-sized sleigh bed reading something related to babies, and calling Tim from the second story of our town home to come up and rub my belly so he could feel them too.  I thought back to all my wondering of what he or she would look like and how the birth would go and what I would feel for my newborn upon meeting them.

I thought about my cravings of marinara sauce and chocolate chip cookies (that has not changed) and the offhand comment from a stranger in the mall once when I told her that I was not finding out the baby’s gender before birth.  She said something to the effect of “That’s crazy, who doesn’t find out these days”.  And I simply said, “Me.”

I remembered as far back as the pregnancy test I took, waiting the allotted time for the pink lines to show up and then showing it to Tim and saying “Oh My God” over and over again in disbelief that I really was carrying a child inside.

It was a truly amazing time, to be pregnant with my first baby.  There is nothing else like it because it is one of those things in life that you can do only ONCE and you just cannot truly know about until you experience it yourself.  So much unknown.  So much to take in in such a short time, really.  So much to feel and hear and contemplate.

The last memory I had before I was taken out of my trance by the sound of “Ma’am?” was of me sitting in the rocking chair, fully pregnant, ready for baby to come.  I sat there looking at all the things we had prepared for his or her arrival.  Clothing and toys and a crib and blankets.  I looked down at my big, round belly while in the quiet, thinking of how much my life and our life as a family was about to change.  I thought of how much I was going to miss the baby’s movements and the fact that I was able to eat as many chocolate chip cookies as I wanted while pregnant.  But I also wondered if I was really ready – truly ready to become a mother and be responsible for another human being’s welfare.

I decided I was.  After all, there was no turning back now.  I was ready to become a Mom.

Of course little did I know that the books and articles and advice were not enough to know how challenging and crazy motherhood could be, on top of the joys and laughs.  The “oh my God, what I have done” feelings were there at first and really, no one talked too much about those back then.  I had no idea there would be two more babies some day who would make life even more full in so many ways.  I hoped but was not sure.

 

I wanted to run  over to that couple and tell them.  Tell them to make sure not to miss things, to love their baby no matter what arose, to make sure to breathe and follow their instincts.  To be thankful even when it feels like they are not.  I wanted to say that even on days that are so, SO hard, you will get through it all and in the end there will always be Love.

But in that moment it was my turn to purchase my inexpensive wrapping paper (and a slew of other things I maybe did not need) and I had waited this long to buy them.

So I refrained from accosting them and returned home to my husband and my own “babies”, after a needed break and much reflection.

And I watched the end of “Turbo” while sitting next to the man I love and stroking the beautiful blond hair of the little girl in my lap.

There I realized.  They WILL know.  They will know soon.

And even in the midst of days when  they might wonder what they’ve done they will still be oh so thankful for the blessing of the child in their life.

 

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This is just part of the  story of my journey as a mother.  Do YOU have a story to tell relating to motherhood?  If so (and you live in the Southeast Texas or South Louisiana area), please send it to us for the Listen to Your Mother show – submissions are open for the show I am co-producing with my fellow mother and good friend, Jennifer.  We want to hear YOUR words too!

Comments

  1. I remember those days when I was pregnant, sitting in the rocking chair and looking at all the stuff and waiting. I get so excited these days when one of my friends is pregnant, (so much more than I did before I had kids) and I guess that is because I know all the good that they are in for.
    Julia recently posted…This ChristmasMy Profile

    • Those are such good memories. 🙂 And I know what you mean about your friends being pregnant… 🙂

    • It’s been 10 years since I was pregnant with my first! And yes, that last part of your comment, SO TRUE!

  4. My son turned 15 in September so it has been a long time. It’s nice that seeing that couple took you back to that time and brought you such good memories that reminded you to be thankful.

    I’m with you on not wanting to know the gender of your baby until he was born. I did that with both of mine.
    Kat recently posted…Weeknight Yumminess!My Profile

  5. I think these things every time I see a first time parent couple. And they are SO obvious, aren’t they? You described it perfectly. I remember reading the books, scouring the websites, talking about it with my girlfriends, who were all pregnant.

    Then the second time around, I was all, “Meh. She’ll get here sometime in February.”
    Leigh Ann recently posted…back in trainingMy Profile

  7. Im pregnant with our first. this made me cry…although that might have just been the damn hormones! Its true though you think you have an idea what being pregnant will be like but until you are there you have no idea how dramatically everything changes when you see that positive test.

    • Oh Emily, I’m so glad you commented from your perspective! You just don’t know until it happens, that’s for sure! 🙂

  11. I LOVED being pregnant and I can relate to your story. When I see newly pregnant couples, it brings me back to that moment when I was carrying my oldest. Now in a blink of an eye he is going to be 8!

    • I loved being pregnant too until the last weeks of the last baby. Those were not so fun.

      And just now as I am replying to your comment I started thinking about what mothers of older kids where recalling when they saw me back in the day, pregnant for the first time… 🙂

  12. I remember staring in disbelief at the test and feeling the enormity of the moment. I had never felt anything like it. And my life changed – and has kept changing – since then. And, yes, it could have been yesterday, sometimes – it seems to have gone that fast.
    Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted…Old School Blogging – 2013 ReviewMy Profile

  13. Oh hon – this is so beautiful. It’s weird but I never had that with the first. I think I spent 8 months in denial that I was really making a human, and did not prepare at all. Bought nothing. Decorated nothing. And I think was still shocked when the doctor showed me ‘my baby’ – like “MY WHAT???”

    So weird to admit this here. But yeah. xoxo
    tracy@sellabitmum recently posted…Back In The SaddleMy Profile

    • So if not with your first then with your second? 😉

      And so your mind was not blown at the test like me but at the birth. Okay, mine then too… ha!

    • I know, we want to say something to them but I really think they have to “see” for themselves! 🙂

  19. Babe, this is beautiful. I am crying.
    This is so true. I find myself wanting to run up to strangers and tell them that it does go by fast…they will never believe it…I didn’t.
    Sigh…
    Beautiful.
    Kimberly recently posted…The Good Mother MythMy Profile

    • Aw, thanks girl. And nope, they probably can’t believe it until they experience it. That’s just how it works…

  20. Oh I love this. Like tears welling in my eyes, goosebump love it. I so very very much remember those first baby in the belly feelings. All the anticipation, hope and nerves. There really isn’t anything quite like it. As much as I can’t wait to get pregnant again, I’m also hesitant because I know it will be the last time and that kind of makes me sad. =/
    Marta recently posted…Still.My Profile

    • You just have to try to take in the moments where you can. I get what you mean though, Marta. Glad you enjoyed the post so. xoxo

  23. Whenever I see a couple like that, I get teary eyed. Memories waft over me. And it’s usually hard to keep from saying something to them… but it’s good for me to read this because motherhood didn’t come easily to me and…I need to remind myself of that more. Such a gift….
    erin margolin recently posted…Mean Girls Already?My Profile

    • It is a gift. But sometimes gifts come with challenges and this is one of those times! ha! And if they had been closer to me I probably would have made some comment to them. I’m just such an extrovert, I cannot help myself!!!

      I am glad it reminded you of the gift though, sweetie. xoxo

  24. You are so spot on…I remember all those feelings! It’s a moment you only get once because later you have more kiddos to change after to break the trance. Love this post down memory lane! (I need to catch up on my blog writing week maybe this post will inspire me!)

  25. *Chills* because I have so many similar memories of being pregnant – and that awesome anticipation of expecting my first born. There is nothing like that time, and of course nothing like what comes after that time. This is such a lovely post, Elaine, and beautifully written.
    Ilene recently posted…Saying Goodbye to the Skull CapMy Profile

  26. What a beautiful reflection on being pregnant for the first time! Those days really were precious. I was smiling just thinking about them and now that sweet little one is a junior in high school. I wonder where the time went and in a way it makes me sad, because he’ll be leaving the nest soon. It’s starting to hit me. I have a feeling its going to be really hard.
    Michelle recently posted…Cry Me A Frozen River {Ladies Only Blog Share} #LOBSMy Profile

  28. I melted reading this, because I could FEEL so much, Elaine. For me, knowing I’m done having kids, the thinking back can be brutal because the realization that I won’t experience it again, that those memories might fade…it hurts. They are fantastic memories and feelings and I cherish them and smile at people just starting families.
    Arnebya recently posted…Just Write: Tired, Get Out of My VocabularyMy Profile

    • I cherish them too and feel so blessed to have them. I do look back at them with so much fondness but I do not get sad that I will not have that experience again. I hope you can feel that way soon too, A. xoxo