I Don’t Know.

I sat in my new reading spot in the corner of our living room looking at my phone.  I checked Facebook and noted a status from an acquaintance who I am “friends” with.  She made mention of 10 cop cars at The Grand 16 and asked if anyone knew what was going on.  Someone commented, “shooting.” My heart skipped a beat and I thought “Is that the theater by us?”

I went to ask Tim, “Is the 16 the theater by us?”

“No, I think that’s the other one.”

“You sure? There was a shooting.”

I kept close watch on my feed, updating as more details came about.

No, as a matter of fact it WAS the theater, barely a mile from our home.  “Around the corner” from us.

Way too close for comfort. My heart sank into my stomach.

By the next morning it was reported that two women were dead and the shooter had killed himself.  I sat in my office, in my house, not far from where those women were killed and I cried.  I cried after reading their names and seeing their beautiful faces.

We are so desensitized to so much of what happens in our world and country today, except when it’s practically in our backyard.  I admit that.  Because I know it’s true.  And my heart can only take so much bad news.

 

I don’t know why that man did what he did.  I’m not posting to debate gun laws or mental illness or anything about his idea of “God”.

I’m posting because I am heartbroken for this community and so many others.  For the loss of life and innocence.

Lafayette has been my home for over 6 years now and though I do not claim it as my true home, I claim it as my adopted one.  I have come to know the people here quite well and our family is now rooted in this community through our friends, faith and an appreciation for the culture and people.  And my daughter, my baby, was born here.  She may someday call this place her “hometown”.

I have been in Jillian Johnson’s shop several times.  I may have sat in the same seat in the movie theater where she was.  I could have been there that night.  Or someone else I knew personally.

 

Of course I do not want to live my life in fear but I gotta tell ya, it’s getting harder and harder not to.  This man was not from here.  He could have gone anywhere and shot anyone.  But he somehow chose a place that was so very close to my home and the home of many I know and love. His actions are the reason our community lost two beautiful, bright stars and why my kids had to watch me physically react as we drove by the movie theater and I couldn’t help but notice the parking lot full of news trucks.  I broke down.  I couldn’t help myself.

What do I tell my children? That the “happiest place” in America is no longer? No.

Despite what happened here a few days ago, I will stand behind the truth that Lafayette is very happy place.  No stranger with a gun can change that. I am terribly saddened for this community.  And all the communities and cities across our nation dealing with hard things right now. Which is all of them since so many homeless grace our streets and so many political wars are being fought.

I don’t know why we are met with theses obstacles of faith.  And I don’t mean just religious faith.  I mean faith in humankind.  Faith in anything.

I have no answers to why or what is going on.  I posted on FB on friday that we have to resort to love or all is lost and I stand behind that statement, now and forever.

LOVE is the thing.  I believe in the words, LOVE is the answer. That may sound too simple to some but think about it.  For just a minute.

I wish all of this could go away.  That we could rewind and it never happened and that I and you and everyone could walk into that movie theater tomorrow with full and complete confidence that nothing like this would ever take place again.  But we cannot.

Instead, we must carry on with LOVE, for those who died and for ourselves.  This life is precious and unpredictable and so many people are hurting in ways we have no idea about.  The best thing I can do is send out love in some way to all those around me and to anyone I encounter.

Because that is what I know to do.

#LafayetteStrong