How Could You Be So Harsh?

The other day I went to Target to pick up a few a lot of things and I was alone (I KNOW!!) since my babysitter was hanging with the kiddos.

You know how it is when you go shopping alone (if you’re a parent), you’re just SO much more relaxed when the only person you have to make sure does not get run over in the busy parking lot is yourself and you can say “no” to the dollar section, again, only to yourself, without too much whining.

So, as I got out of my van there was another mother getting in her SUV right next to me, WITH kids.  One of them was cwhining (that’s crying/whining to those who don’t know).   I heard her yell, “Taylor, if you do not stop that RIGHT NOW… I told you you weren’t going to get anything today, when we walked in, now STOP IT!  I mean it!!”

It sounded so harsh coming from her.

I kinda wanted to hug poor Taylor (a boy).

I kinda wanted to hug my absent kids too, you know why?

Because I’ve said the same thing to them.  Or close anyway.

So I asked myself – how did it sound so much worse coming from her, to a kid I did not know, than coming from me to the kids I know REALLY well (and love lots)?

This is not the first time I have had this experience in my life.  I’ve heard parents in restaurants or stores or even at parks say things to their kids that I know I have said before and even IN THAT TONE and thought, “poor little dude, did he really deserve to be spoken to that way?”

The thing is, with the kiddo outside Target, who knows how his mother got to that point.   He could have been bugging her in the store for the entire shopping trip (I know how that goes).  Or perhaps she was supposed to be there alone too and plans changed.  Maybe she was home all week with her kids by herself while her husband traveled and she was about to meet whit’s end.  Maybe she’s divorced and their Dad was supposed to have them instead.  It is possible that the little guy already has 5 of the thing he wanted her to buy him.

More than likely she just knew she had to stand her ground and sometimes, as parents, that alone takes all of our energy and builds up enough frustration.  I know how that goes too.

Even though, I started to re-think my own words while I shopped in the store by myself.  I thought about how I could reword what she said to her son, when I speak to my own.  I contemplated how I could make him realize, without yelling, that he just did not need that toy or whatever thing he had in his mind he must have.  But then I thought better of it all and came to the conclusion that I didn’t have to convince him that he didn’t need it.  I just had to make him know that it was not the end of the world if he did not get it this trip, or RIGHT now.

And I had to do it in a less harsh way.

So I replayed the scene in my head and decided that it could go either way.

Maybe it was the first day of my period (FTR, I would NEVER take all of my kids to Target solo on the first day of my period unless the world was coming to and end and I was out of tampons and yogurt tubes -which are NOT related in any way).

Or maybe life was all sunshine and roses and all the stars aligned correctly and the ONLY thing wrong with my day was a kid nagging me for another toy he would forget about the next day.  How would I respond?

“No dear, I’m so sorry but you simply cannot have that today.  Mommy is in a hurry and you do not need that toy since you already have so many.  Now, if you could please sit down and buckle your seat belt so we could go I would be ever so grateful.”

And his response would be?

WHO IS THIS WOMAN AND WHY DID SOMEONE REPLACE MY MOTHER WITH HER?!?!?

At least I’m guessing that is what he would say.

But in all seriousness, I think it would be a nice change.  But I ain’t no June Cleaver and more than likely those words, along with “cupcakes are yucky”, will never leave my mouth.

 

Here’s the deal.  We’re gonna lose our cool with our kids.  It happens to all of us and the best of us.  Thing is, they can  handle it.  I would be willing to bet that Taylor was over his little fit within the next few minutes, and shortly after arriving home to his house full of things he’d already begged his mommy for at Target that she DID buy for him!

I decided that I am not perfect either, even on my best day and that neither is any mother.  Sure, that mother’s words seemed harsh to me at the time, and gave me pause, which is a really good thing.  And now that I have written about it, I am pretty sure that next time I am in this situation (and you can bet your bottom dollar I will be) I will choose my words and my tone more wisely.

Except maybe not if he is asking for another LEGO set.  We certainly already have enough of those.