Sometimes on my short drive home from church I go through the neighborhood and pass by the elementary school that my boys will attend if we continue to live in this house (no plans to move now, but you never know for sure).
This Sunday I did just that. As I passed by I thought about my boys going there and what a sought after school it is. I have heard stories of parents actually camping out for weeks to get their children transferred to this school. Crazy, huh? I am thankful that we have such an exemplary (truly rated as such) school for our children.
My thoughts turned to my public school experience and the fact that I grew up in the same school district my entire childhood. My parents set up shop in their current house when I was 16 months old and have yet to budge.
What I really started thinking about was the fact that I never had to be the “new kid.” I was on the other side of the fence, constantly watching kids coming and going, a few of which I befriended and others whose names I didn’t remember after the first time. I thought about how more than likely someday my boys will have to be the “new kids” since I don’t envision us being in this house “forever.” I have some idea how it feels to be thrown into a new situation like that but never an entirely NEW school as a kid. I was always the one watching while the “new kid” was being introduced and I sat there wondering how they felt. I always felt for them, knowing that they had to make new friends and learn all about a new school and probably a new town too.
Still driving through the neighborhood, I started to have the same feelings for my sons, again thinking about their future and the possibility of them being the new kid someday. I thought perhaps I am inadequate to help them deal with the emotions and challenges that will come with such a scenario since I never went through it myself. But I have been there, just more as an adult (college, several new jobs). I guess I should count myself lucky that I never had to be the “new kid” just the “new adult,” which to me is a lot easier to handle.
I should also mention that their father was the “new kid” on several occasions and will more than likely have some nuggets of wisdom to pass on (he always does). I can tell you one thing for sure. He never had trouble making new girlfriends.
By the time I got back home my thoughts had moved on to something else, probably breakfast. Unfortunately though, I am notorious for worrying about things that may or may not ever happen.
Were you ever the new kid or have your kids had to be due to a move? Curious to know how you or they felt if so…
I was the new kid more times than I can remember thanks to divorced and roving parents. I think you learn certain coping mechanisms if you do it enough. It’s hard, but in my case I feel like it made me a better person. At present, I don’t have those “I’ve known them since I was in kindergarten” friendships, but I do have some great friends. Better friends than I’ve ever had in my entire life. And it’s great.
I’m alot like you in the fact that I tend to worry about stuff like this too!
I feel fortunate that I have never been the new kid. As a teacher I have watched new kids join into schools. This was especially hard for kids that entered late into private schools where small classes were already quite filled with cliques.
You are not alone worrying about this type of thing. My son starts kindergarten in September and I am beyond worried about things. This past year he started off in a school district run PreK and it went horribly. Kindergarten will be at a different school and we are hopeful it will go well. Still I wonder if we are doing the right thing. Unfortunately with housing prices in this area still crazy and the state of the economy we have no real options.
Yesterday to add to my questioning someone at temple (we were there for Shavuot and leaving to go again soon) asked my family where my son was at school. They pressured my aunt and grandmother to tell us that we should consider the Hebrew Academy near us.
We looked at that from quite a distance – the price scared the you know what out of us. Plus I am just not a huge fan of religious education in such a formal way. Oh well I guess we will see what happens.
Nope. I’ve never been the new kid either. My parents have lived in the same house for 40 years and I went to the same grade school for 8 years and the same high school all 4 years. My hubby had the same exact experience as I. That is pretty unusual when you think about it, huh?
I was the new kid on many occasions! I don’t remember thinking it was the worst thing happening to me, but I don’t remember liking it either. We only moved through out elementary school, and then I was able to stay in the same middle and high school. I think it would have been harder for me if we had moved during my teenage years. As an adolescent, however, I was able to adapt well.
I’ve never had to be the new kids. MY parents moved into their current house when I was five and are still there. So no advice from me. Same with hubby. I can’t even remember who were the “new” kids growing up.
I worry about stuff too, but now I have htis one to add to the list : ).
I was never the new kid, but I always felt for them, too. My daughter just finished up 4th grade at her elementary school where she has gone since her first day of kindergarten. I was surprised as a mom how much of an emotional attachment I have to that school and the teachers. Next year Emily will be off to intermediate school with kids from 4 other elementary schools. That will be as close to being the new kid as she’s ever been. Kids adjust quickly, though!
See – I think some kids ARE nice to the new kid. I know I was.
Also – my hubby has a job that (if he keeps it) will be sending us abroad every couple of years. Meaning our kids will be the new kids a lot . . . but I think the enrichment of their experiences will outweigh the difficulties of moving.
Sure, I was the new kid plenty of times and it isn’t that bad, even though I was a shy kid. Of course, the months/weeks leading up to the move are the hardest because the unknown is the scariest part, but once you’re there in the new school and the new class, it’s not so bad. Don’t let it worry you. Of course, if you have a choice, it makes it a bazillion times easier to be the new kid if you move during the summer. That way everyone starts a new class together at the same time. And besides, with internet and cell phones and everything these days, it isn’t hard to keep up with old friends that you left behind.
Rest easy. Moving doesn’t ruin kids. Think of it as a way to expand their circle of friends.
I was the new kid in gr. 3 I was scared at the time, it didn’t take long before I settled in. Now looking back I am really glad that I ended up at the new school instead of staying at the old one.
I am by no means “scarred for life”. 🙂
I’ve never been the new kid. But then when I became an adult (boo hiss) I had to do a lot of corporate relocations and it was really tough to always. start. over. Then somewhere along the way I learned it was a really good experience!
I was the new kid when I switched from public to private in 8th grade. It was initially tough, but you adjust. Then, we moved cross country for two weeks (before my mother and I both threatened to kill my dad) & I was new far away. That was hard.
Yep, I was the new kid a few times. I don’t really remember much about it though but I was outgoing and made friends easily. I think for the most part, kids are resilient and handle change well.
Seriously Elaine, YOU ARE THE BEST MOM EVER!
I love that you put this much thought into making sure that your kids will have the best life experiences no matter what they might face. That fact alone means that you will do the “right” thing!
I was never the new kid in school. I think being the new kid is probably really hard after you hit middle school. There is just something about that age that is hard.
Think we will still be blogging 10 years from now to discuss this topic again?
Hi Elaine
I can’t say I was ever “the new kid” either. As a teacher I have witnessed the “new kid” coming into the classroom and the experiences for each of these students were so diverse and varied. Sometimes, if the child reluctantly left their old school, they didn’t seem to embrace the change and hence cope with it all that well. Often, if the “new kid” knew some of the other students it made the transition easier. Having said that, there were some students who arrived knowing no one and not necessarily thrilled about the change, however they made the best of it and settled in really well. I guess a lot of it is based on the individuals attitude.
Possibly, if the student feels completely powerless when it comes to the decision about changing schools they may be less likely to be positive about a new school and only see the negatives. One thing is for sure, there are no hard and fast rules, or ways of knowing exactly how a child will cope with the change.
Lots of discussion and communication will at least help the “new kid” address any concerns they have and help them work out solutions to any problems they may be experiencing.
Love
Elise
I never was the new kid but I actually wanted to be – I was a really outgoing kid and I loved the idea of being able to reinvent myself…
I have been the new kid several times… we moved a lot when I was a kid. The worst time was when I was the new kid in Grade 11 in a small town….all of them had been together since kindergarten…now that was fun.
I survived and I always made good friends but the first few days were never fun.
🙂
Like you, I was never the new kid. Since I lived in the same house from birth to college, I tend to see us staying in this house at least until our girls are grown too.
However, my husband grew up in a military family that moved every three years so he is our expert in being the new kid.