I feel like I have posted this here before, probably several years ago. I would have to go back and look into my somewhat extensive archives. But here goes again anyway: I need to lose weight. Not necessarily so I look “good” or “better”, but because it would be beneficial to my overall health if I did. Since the end of 2015 (the time of separation from my ex husband) I have fluctuated up and down by 20 pounds. Initially I lost 10 pounds because I was not eating. And then, once I was better mentally (and eating again), I gained those pounds back plus 10 more. Not to mention, I fell in love again and well, we all know sometimes that is not the best thing for our waistline, even though it’s good for other parts of our body (hee hee).
Here’s the thing: I have basically NO will power anymore. I cannot say “no” to any sweet thing and I like a “midnight” (10 p.m.) snack. Also, I have essentially no time for formal exercise. I walk the dog a few times a week, usually at night, after dinner and once the kids are fairly settled. Some nights I am quite tired once all that happens and I just say “forget it” (or something else that starts with an “f”). So those are my excuses. And I am FULL of them. Just like I am full of cheesy popcorn, sun chips and soon pie…
But here’s the other thing: Besides trying to be better for my overall health, I do not hate my body. I used to. Oh yes, I did. But part of the reason I did was because I was in a relationship where I felt like it was never good enough. And I do not put that all on him. I did it to myself too, and I know it now, after much personal reflection. I know I constantly compared myself to other women, both my age and even some much younger (ridiculous!). I know I spent too much time and effort worrying about the way I looked in the mirror and concentrated too much on the size of my jeans.
Thankfully, now I am in a much healthier relationship, both with myself and my significant other. Brandon loves me just the way I am and he tells me so while he also shows me. His actions go a long way to prove how my weight is not nearly as important to him as my heart. This is wonderful, but unfortunately it also it also gives me another excuse not to change!
However, all the love for me doesn’t stop me from making comparisons to 8 years ago…
So… can I like (even love) my body and still be healthier? Of course! I already eat pretty well during the week. It’s the weekends that get me. And the wine. And the brownies. And the eating out. Therefore, I have committed to being healthier and joined Weight Watchers. No, this is not an ad or an affiliated post. I am paying $3.07/week so that I can track my eating, exercising and if nothing else, lose a few pounds and feel somewhat better about myself. Who knows what else I can accomplish… maybe a 5K in February again… Plus this way I can still have the occasional sweet and even a piece of whole grain toast in the morning why is bread so good.
I am thankful I am generally in a healthier place when it comes to my body and I am still proud of what it can do. I just hope to stick around for a long while, have more energy and simply feel better overall.
Wish me luck (and will power)!
I love this. All of this.I love reading your posts and I love where you’re at in life right now. I’m so happy for you.
You do what it takes to make you healthy and happy. And if you find some extra time and motivation can you please send some my way?
You’ve got this, gorgeous. I believe in you and see your beauty and value at any shape.
Girl, I feel the struggle as much as you do. I love to eat & can’t say no to sweets (or bread for that matter). I too want to be healthier so that I can live longer. I wish you all the best with WW. I know what I need to do to lose the weight however I just can’t seem to did the motivation to do it just yet (yes even the tight jeans hasn’t stopped me from eating so much.) I’m trying to get into the routine of going to the gym in the mornings because evenings are way to hard to make time to exercise & way to easy to make excuses. Again i’m Wishing you the best & if you need another accountability partner you know how to reach me. 😘 If you ever want a walking partner or someone to start jogging with let me know.
Wow! What an accomplishment that you feel how you do! Take that energy you have and direct it to food control. I need to focus on that too
I relate to this on so many levels. I fight the scale and the power I give it to determine my worth. I am getting better but still have days that the self hatred wins. It has won for the past two days… Thank you for the reminder that so many wonderful things are happening in my life and that I can be “fat and happy” while I try to get healthier.
I understand this mindset of loving your body but not being 100% healthy where you’d like to see yourself in a better space. Wishing you luck on this leg of your journey?
Andrea Eisen recently posted…Coffee.
I could have written some of the same things. Since I had my first daughter 16 years ago, I have always struggled with my weight which has fluctuated greatly. Over the past 4 years, I have gained about 50 pounds despite every effort I have made to stop it. Finally, it seems to have leveled out – albeit 50 pounds & two pants sizes bigger. Also, though, I am finally somewhat at peace with my body. I’m still fighting the weight, but I dont’ always hate what I see in the mirror which is s big step for me. I have considered Wieght Watchers, but never tried it (I thought is was more expensive than that!), so maybe I’ll look into it some more. Congratulations to you on finding a healthier attitude and good luck with WW!
Accountability is great! And you have such a positive attitude, I have no doubt that you can do this. I’m just going to assume that you can do ANY program and be successful, but don’t be discouraged if you ever decide one just isn’t doing it for you. If you really give it your all (which of course YOU would), then it’s the program – not you. There are so many options and you have friends finding success with many of them. Weight Watchers isn’t a fad – and people have been losing weight on it for years. I’m always cheering you on and I know I’m one of many!
luck luck luck! And willpower! And I think you’re just gorgeous all the time.
And no I don’t read blogs anymore because no time, but I do love YOU. 🙂
Jennie Goutet recently posted…Tian Provencal Recipe
Love your attitude,Elaine. Be happy.
Steady wins the race. Blessings
I feel very similar since having my daughter. I have no time for exercise and I have no self-control but I’m also much happier in my life and more comfortable with my body but I also want to be healthier. Maybe after the holidays.