Emotional

I drove up close to the mailbox like I do almost every day after picking up The B Man from school. He rolled down his window, opened the box and grabbed up the envelopes and fliers.

He handed them to me and I was happy to count seven Christmas cards amongst the pile and see names of my friends and family.

We got in the house and I put the stack down as the boys hollered to watch “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” (thank you Netflix) After I set up the movie for them it was time for me to pump and then feed the baby. I went into my bedroom with my supplies and, on the way, grabbed the cards with my last free fingers.

As my little girl drank I leaned the bottle against my chest and started opening the cards (I’m getting even better at multi-tasking…).

I opened the one from my friend Heidi, who lives back in my old ‘hood, and I smiled at the pictures of her and her family. And THEN I read this note that was included, from Heather, her daughter, who was in The B man’s pre-school class last year (and he would have gone to Kindergarten with).

Just in case, it says “DEAR BEN I HOP YOU OUR HAVING A GOD TIM IN LOUISANA,” which I quickly translated to “Dear Ben, I hope you are having a good time in Louisiana.” (sharp as a tack, I am)

And THEN. I lost it. I did the full on ugly cry. REALLY hard.

As my tears fell on to my sweet baby girl I realized NOW is when I miss them the most – my friends, our family, our church. I MISS A LOT. At the holidays.

But this time it sneaked up on me. I went from smiling to major meltdown mode in like .0356 seconds.

Now I know how the toddler feels.

I WANT to be back there. I WANT to be with my friends laughing and telling ‘poop’ and ‘tantrum’ stories. I want to hear one of Heidi’s HILARIOUS diatribes because she is so friggin’ funny (seriously one of THE funniest people ever) IN PERSON. I WANT to go back.

I want to NOT feel this way, but I do…

(To Tim: sorry you had to walk in on my sobbing and not know what the problems was right away and yes, I miss our old home tremendously but I am okay. I love you.)