The Miss Elaine-ous Life

random acts of life, family and photos

Emotional

by

I drove up close to the mailbox like I do almost every day after picking up The B Man from school. He rolled down his window, opened the box and grabbed up the envelopes and fliers.

He handed them to me and I was happy to count seven Christmas cards amongst the pile and see names of my friends and family.

We got in the house and I put the stack down as the boys hollered to watch “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” (thank you Netflix) After I set up the movie for them it was time for me to pump and then feed the baby. I went into my bedroom with my supplies and, on the way, grabbed the cards with my last free fingers.

As my little girl drank I leaned the bottle against my chest and started opening the cards (I’m getting even better at multi-tasking…).

I opened the one from my friend Heidi, who lives back in my old ‘hood, and I smiled at the pictures of her and her family. And THEN I read this note that was included, from Heather, her daughter, who was in The B man’s pre-school class last year (and he would have gone to Kindergarten with).


Just in case, it says “DEAR BEN I HOP YOU OUR HAVING A GOD TIM IN LOUISANA,” which I quickly translated to “Dear Ben, I hope you are having a good time in Louisiana.” (sharp as a tack, I am)

And THEN. I lost it. I did the full on ugly cry. REALLY hard.

As my tears fell on to my sweet baby girl I realized NOW is when I miss them the most – my friends, our family, our church. I MISS A LOT. At the holidays.

But this time it sneaked up on me. I went from smiling to major meltdown mode in like .0356 seconds.

Now I know how the toddler feels.

I WANT to be back there. I WANT to be with my friends laughing and telling ‘poop’ and ‘tantrum’ stories. I want to hear one of Heidi’s HILARIOUS diatribes because she is so friggin’ funny (seriously one of THE funniest people ever) IN PERSON. I WANT to go back.

I want to NOT feel this way, but I do…

(To Tim: sorry you had to walk in on my sobbing and not know what the problems was right away and yes, I miss our old home tremendously but I am okay. I love you.)

elaine

Comments

  3. The ugly cry is necessary sometimes. Little did you know you were bottling it in- it had to come out. You have had many changes in the last 6 months- new house, new baby, new friends, new job for Tim. THAT IS A LOT for one person to handle. You go on right ahead and ugly cry all you want. I’ll hand you the tissues as you need them.

  4. This has got to be so hard. Its alright to feel that way. You will make new friends in time. But maybe right now, you need to call some of your old ones. I know its not the same but it might help.

    (((HUGS)))

  6. Sometimes those cries help you sort thru the daily ordeals that you are shuffling thru without realizing the impact they are having on you. Hope you know they are missing you too!

  7. Oh boy I can so relate to this. It’s especially around the holidays that I feel like I’m far from home, from the people I really want to be with. Sometimes it’s good to get it all out and have a cry (even an ugly one!). If you plan on staying where you are I’m sure you’ll make lots of new friends and before long will find a community around you. Hugs. x

  9. Oh, Elaine! I am so sad for you! I’ll pray you can make it through the Holidays, that you are surrounded by lots of love, and that you find some peace with your new home! 🙁 Hang in there, mama!

  11. WE MISS YOU TOO!!!!

    I had a good ugly cry on Tuesday too. Only mine was over my constant struggle to loose a few more pounds. Then, I checked my mail and got my Christmas card from you and smiled!

    Hope you feel better… love you!

  12. Oh Elaine….I am so sorry you are missing your old home. I know how that feels. I promise if you give it time, you will learn to love your new home, and maybe Louisiana, too.

    😉

    Hang in there!

  13. Awww. I’m so sorry you are missing home so much…the holidays definitely make it harder too.

    This post made me tear up a little. I just hate the thought of you feeling so sad.

    Tomorrow is a brighter day…perhaps another visit is in order soon? 😉

    I’ll even bring chocolate!

  14. oh i am so sorry. being away from the family and best friends at christmastime is so hard, I used to hate it so much. I eventually came home. I did the ugly cry recently too (husband=deer in headlights). how quickly they come on without warning! *hugs*

  16. We moved away from “home” when I was 16. As I am now 32, I have spent 1/2 my life NOT living there, but the older I get the harder it is to go visit, because I miss my family and know that my grandparents won’t be around much longer and see that my dad has aged a ton in the last few years. I haven’t lived with my parents in 10 years, yet it’s hard to not live near them. Then I stop and remember that when we lived close-by they drove me freakin’ NUTS!!! Oh, the joy of the holidays…

  17. I feel your pain. It is so hard figuring it all out. We had a place for everything in the old house, but now??????? It is hard hearing about all the things my friends are doing back at home, like lunch with Santa. It is tough, and I feel your pain. It changes, I can’t even say it gets better. It just gets……different. Hugs from us! Oh, and way to go you for still pumping. I am so proud of you!!

  20. Hi Elaine

    I am so sorry that you are missing your old home. I really hope and pray that your new place can feel like home soon. I also hope that you meet new and wonderful people who make you smile and can lift your spirits.

  24. Oh honey, I’m so sorry. It is so difficult.

    And that sounds like the kind of cry where you get a screaming headache afterwards too.

    You’re in my thoughts.