Be Still.

“Mommy, I want a snack!”

Pause.

“Mommy, did you hear me?”

*yes, I heard you baby, but I’m working*

“Yes, baby, just a minute!”

This time I was watermarking photos, not even surfing the internet. I got to a stopping point, put my laptop on the table and raised myself from the comfy couch to get her a snack.

I heard her munch as she watched one of her shows on Nick Jr. and while I got back to work.

My phone dinged, the computer made a noise from another notification.  The distractions were EVERYWHERE.

Her snack was done and the show over.

She walked over and climbed on the couch, right next to me.  She managed to make eye contact with me, saying, “Mom, I want to sit on your lap!”

I immediately put the laptop down.

Someday so soon she will not want to sit in my lap.  Someday soon she will not even fit anymore.

So I heeded her request quickly. The photos can wait.

At first I tickled her and she squirmed all over me, giggling uncontrollably.  But then we both settled and she leaned back into my chest and I felt the weight of the world, of loving someone, just one person, SO much.

I buried my nose into her soft hair and it tickled my arm. I thought about the moment that I was in, that was so very fleeting.  And my heart, it ached.  In good ways and bad.  It stung with the beauty of her and how I still to this day, cherish her unexpected presence in my life.  And it burned with the passage of time and the moment that is just a small one in the bigness of it all.

But we are here together, forever bonded.  Forever mother and daughter, no matter what may come.

Right here, right now.  Just me and my baby girl.

So I am learning.  To sit more still.  To put the computer aside.  To turn off the t.v. and the pesky notifications.

I am trying to be still.

Trying.