We see A LOT on the internet about the “Mommy Wars” and it just makes my heart sad to know that someone even coined that phrase.
I don’t want to fight with any other mommies. I just want to be the best mommy I can be to my kids. And I’m guessing that’s what MOST of the other mommies out there want as well. I think mommies need to unite. After all, we are ALL in this together.
I personally feel that acceptance of each other and different styles of doing things, is the first step.
And I think we are getting there, in some ways.
I also think we have a long way to go.
I recently read this post by my friend Ash. And although it has a humorous take (she’s VERY funny), it also has some serious strains to it as well. (please read, you’ll love it, I’ll wait…)
And then I read Shell’s post lat week about screaming at her kids and all I could do was nod along as I read it. Although I’m not proud that I lose my temper with my children at times, it is true that I do. Plus, it makes me feel like even though those moments are not be my best “mommy” ones, I at least know that it’s okay. Especially when I read the comments and see all the other mommies “nodding” along, as they express their understanding as well.
So I believe THESE are the kinds of things we need to be talking about and working through together.
These are the kinds of topics that we should be able to lean on each other about.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t talk about breast vs. bottle, working vs. not working or co-sleeping vs. Ferberizing but the dissent when we do, just makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like someone is ALWAYS on the defensive.
And it just shouldn’t be that way.
I yell at my kids on occasion (just like Steph) because I am human. I’m doing the best over here with three kids in different stages and kitchen floors that constantly need sweeping and laundry that stares me in the face all the time.
I’m comforted by the fact that I am not the only one who feeds my kids Goldfish regularly and blows her top on occasion.
This mothering thing is hard, as we all know, and the daily decisions that come along with it are no walk in the park either (watch this awesome LTYM video by Cheryl from Mommy Pants, talk about sacrifices we make…).
But I’m asking us all (myself included) to stop. To stop and simply try to put ourselves in THAT other mother’s shoes before we think what she is doing is wrong (unless of course there’s actual HARM involved) just because that’s not the way we have or will do it.
I think we’ve built an amazing community of women who blog and many who are mothers. I’ve garnered some of the best information, support and friendships through this space as well as twitter and facebook.
Social Media, has in a way, changed my life.
And I want to make sure it continues to do so in a GOOD way.
So ladies, let’s support each other, because I really feel like that’s the best way to forge ahead.
Don’t you?
Awesome.
I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest.
Linking up with Pour Your Heart Out... AND Share Your Awesome at Jennifer’s Place!
You are so right. There is no reason for mothers to tear each other apart. We would all be blessed to look around us and find support instead of judgement.
It bears repeating as often as possible. You said it so well. xo.
I couldn’t agree more! Nobody knows what a mom is going through, and we only see a little piece of their day and feel qualified to pass judgement. And that’s just wrong.
Every person is different which means that they will do things differently. I don’t agree with how other do things and they don’t agree with how I do things and that is ok.
The only thing that we need to agree upon is to be civil to each other.
Well said! Wish would could all just agree to disagree and move on.
Hello! Dropping by with PYHO and will be following along with you in the future. Especially on FB and Twitter…
But also wanted to say that you have a very good point here. I haven’t been a “victim” of the “mommy wars”, myself. In fact, I didn’t really know that it was a problem until I found the Mom Pledge…
Still… I have to agree with you 100%. We are all moms. We all have challenges that – while they are different in their own way – they closely resemble the same challenges that other moms are going through.
So, instead of expending so much energy on how we’re different, we should be focusing more on how we are the same.
Because, honestly? Isn’t there enough of the other in the world as it is?
~Dawna
http://hiccupsintime.com
This is said perfectly. Thank you.
Totally agree with you. We all make different decisions in parenting- and that has to be okay. After all, we all have different kids!!! I can’t even do things that same way for each of my own kids, so I can’t tell someone waht to do with theirs!
I love when the blogging world is supportive and we share how hard things can be- b/c it makes us feel not alone.
The competition and the my way is the right way way of thinking… not so much.
I love that you wrote this. It’s exactly how I feel when I see women fighting it out publicly and defending/ attacking a mother’s way of parenting.
Let us all stand together – on the same side.
Absolutely! It’s a tough job – we critique ourselves more harshly than anyone. The last thing we need is for other moms to do the same to us. (Have you seen the Mom Pledge? http://www.themompledgeblog.com/)
Oh – I needed that reminder! For some reason I tend not to judge the moms I know in bloggy land but those IRL…that’s another story. I need to remember to each his own though and let it go!
You are so right. We are all struggling sometimes. It’s nice to know when we’re not the only ones.
I agree with every single thing you’ve written here. And I’m going to add… Sometimes as bad as it seems I actually think it has gotten better in the last three years. Yes. Better. BUT, I think it has gotten better exactly because of this post, and Ash’s post, and Shell’s post, and tons of others just like it. I think when we stand together and say, “you know what, this is hard and I need help, or at least a friend to commiserate with” we make it better for all moms. I think by acknowledging our own imperfections we make it possible for other moms to do the same. And if we continue to do this then maybe, just maybe, eventually the myth of the supermom will die and we will all be able to get along and support one another regardless of the decisions we’ve made about how to parent.
I love this post Elaine and couldn’t agree with you more. It would be nice if we could all try to support each other instead of trying to tear each other down.
I have said something similiar to this so many times! Women and mothers, we judge each other when we should be supporting each other. I think it boils down to fear. We fear change and we fear what is different, so it is hard to accept that another way is OK too.
GREAT POST!!!
I’m so thrilled to read through all the comments with mommy-n-let-mommy attitudes. Now that’s some kind of viral I can get behind.
Thanks so much for the linky love, and for thinking I’m funny (blush :).
Love, Ash
I absolutely agree with you. We should be backing each other up as parents, not finding fault and placing blame. That child who appears to be having a total meltdown, may be experiencing a full-blown panic attack. Instead of judging the mom, and ‘tsking’ about how she should simply discipline the child, try to be compassionate and understanding. We don’t always know the whole story.
This is such a well-written and important post!
I love the supportive women I’ve found through blogging, and I am grateful that the mommy wars are getting some attention, so that we can be conscious of our actions, both on and off-line
It’s amazing just how mean women can be to one another, and how long they can hold a grudge. Really amazing. And not in a good way.
This was perfect. of course it was. XO
I applaud this post. Standing O even! It makes me so happy when women support and encourage each other. We’re amazing in that way.
I DO.NOT – I repeat – DO NOT understand why giving birth turns women against each other!
Dude, we’re all in this together!
So very true. So many decisions to make….and so many unwanted opinions to suffer through. You are darned if you do and darned if you don’t aren’t you?
What a great post. As mothers we should be building each other up and supporting each other, not judging and warring.
Well said! I especially get bent out of shape when other moms talk about SAHM, vs WAHM vs “Working Moms.” Why do we think we can judge other moms decisions? Especially when we are not in their shoes? I’ve written about this myself, many a time!
P.S. I am a “regular-gold-fish-feeder” too!
Agreed! I wish people would just realize that what works for one person may not work for another. And it can go to all areas- religion, politics, etc. Can’t we just be respectful of one another. Who cares if mom works or doesn’t work? Isn’t the important thing that their child is loved and the parents are trying their very hardest to do a good job? I think so.
Great post!
That’s a great perspective. Thanks for sharing! I think it’s easy to judge others, but you are right that we are all doing the best we can. I hope I can remember that the next time I start to beat myself up over a parenting “mistake.” None of us are perfect.
I am a big proponent of doing what works for your family! That is what matters. I don’t need you to agree with me I just need you to have my back!
Amen. Amen, Amen. We have SO much to learn from each other and can offer each other so much comfort and support if only we’d stop trying to hide our insecurities and always be “right.”