My patience is often extremely thin with my kids. Many times I am ready to snap at any moment. I am always thinking about something else I need to do, accomplish, make clean or pick up (laundry or groceries or a kid, you name it).
I go through my days rewinding a to-do list, mentally checking off a thing here or there, making sure I do not miss a school event or a gym class or the making of dinner that I planned earlier in the week.
I cannot MISS or MESS up or MAKE do, things have to be perfect and “right” or on time.
I put a lot of pressure on myself here too, for this blog. To have posts written, ones that I feel people WANT to read and comment on, feeling I need to continually build up and be involved in THIS community. With YOU, with it all.
But something horrible came to pass last week that affected me deeply, down to my Mothering soul. Something so horrific and unimaginable. But TRUE. Horribly, awfully, terribly true.
And I was mostly okay, just tearing up all morning until my mother called.
She called me as I was about to walk out the door to pick up my boys at their elementary school and she told me to hug them tight for her. And we cried and I sobbed so hard, thinking of those poor babies, someone else’s sweet babies, for having to face what they did.
And something RIGHT THEN changed in me.
For this entire weekend I have been looking deep into my babies’ blue and hazel eyes. I’ve hugged them and kissed their faces a bagillion times because I never want to forget what they feel like. What THAT feels like. I’ve told them they are loved and cherished and amazing and smart and beautiful.
I have taken time to breathe and not be so impatient while they climb on me or demand another snack or whine or even vomit on my bed (I did not make that up).
I want them to NEVER, EVER feel at such a loss.
I want to protect them from every little thing but I will send them back to their school tomorrow because I try to have faith that they will be fine and safe. I cannot let fear, or those wanting to instill it, have a grip on me or my children.
But a change has come in other ways too.
You’ll see it here.
My number one, two, three and four priorities are in this house, right now, in no particular order. And I will not let fear and stress take over my giving them the love they deserve the most.
If anything good can come of such a tragic thing, I think it is that we all learn to respect each other more, as parents and children and families. It’s a lesson for ME for sure. To treat everyone with kindness and grace and love, even when they may not treat us that way. ESPECIALLY our precious children.
And I personally will be spending more time with mine from now on and may even put the blog on a mini hiatus while they are on Christmas vacation. Because I’ll never get those weeks of 2012 back again.
The Christmas that my babies were 8, 5 and 3.
So yeah, a change in me is here.
Praying for those affected by the horrible tragedy last week. My heart breaks for those lost and their families. There just are not words to describe what I feel and how much I hurt for such terrible loss of life that surely could have been prevented.
I was the same all weekend. Saturday was a horrid day, aside from having learned about what happened, things just went to shit on the homefront, with children sick, etc, and many times I just wanted to lose it. But I did not. I kept myself in check because babies are lost, and I can’t even imagine those parents who don’t have those kids with them, vomiting on their beds or smearing snot all over their hair. I’m changed too.
Yes. These things change us, and it’s up to us to find the good in the change. It’s a tangible way to honor those sweet children, finding the good and trying so hard to keep that good in our own hearts.
Beautiful post!
Yes exactly. Appreciate these precious babies. Spend the time. xo
I don’t have words, other than YES. They’re what’s important.
I echo Greta, Angela, and Alison here. Sigh. Friday was awful. ANd I ‘ve been wearing the same clothes since that night if that tells you anything.
Something in me changed as well. Spend time with your family, they are what matter. Always. xo
Ditto….ditto and ditto.
I am devastated. Saying goodbye as my children got on the bus this morning was one of the hardest things I have done.
((hugs))
Yes. Hold them tight. My goal, even more than it was before, is for my children to know that they are loved. All of them. Not just the ones that I grew in my body.
Yes. To all of it. And once again you and I are in agreement. And I agree on your comment to my post too. (And thanks for the tweet on my post)
We also have to remember to have no fear. SUCH a difficult thing right now, but it is such a tool of the devil. Have faith. Pray a lot. Treat others with love and kindness. And cherish all those in our lives. That really is all we can do.
I have been trying to write about the horrific events, but am unable to find myself able to put words on paper. Thank you for doing this so beautifully.
I am taking off Christmas, too. I don’t know if it is the tragedy or this has just been building up inside of me, but if writing and blogging is a part-time job for me, then I get vacation time too.
I catch myself going about life in a normal way, until I see a half mast flag or something random pops into my head. How easily we take the things we have for granted.
Yes, this. Exactly this.
Love you, my sweet friend.
xo
Wow, good for you. As sad as we all are after this tragic, horrific event, it’s heartening to see so many of us make a dedication to changing ourselves, improving ourselves. At the end of the day, it’s really the only thing we can control, but it makes such a powerful impact in the world. May we all contribute to brightening the world. Enjoy your babies.
And thanks to Galit for tweeting the post and bringing me here. 🙂
Children need our sweet attention. It was good to have read your blogpost, thank you.