I bought bottle brushes before Baby K was born.
I felt I didn’t get the best help in the hospital.
I guess I didn’t work hard enough with the nipple shield and other apparatus.
I posted early on that it wasn’t working.
And it’s STILL not.
I cried the other day, and HARD.
My little girl shows no signs of ever getting the hang of nursing, even though I continue to try and it just breaks my heart.
I know I said I wouldn’t stress about it but that doesn’t mean I’m not sad.
My cousin suggested I take her to a chiropractor to see if perhaps they can help with some sort of procedure.
Am I willing to try it?
I don’t know.
You would think I’d be willing to try anything at this point.
But part of me just wants to accept it and move on.
I’m not sure what to do…
Of course she’s precious and wonderful no matter what.
But I have such good memories of how natural and beautiful and free it was with Little G.
I wish…
that it could be that way again.
But perhaps it cannot.
And I’ll be okay and MOST importantly, SHE’LL be okay…
Thanks for reading.
P.S. I am still pumping, so she is still getting breast milk from me, just not in the preferred way.
First, yes – whatever you decide she will be fine and healthy! But oh do I ever understand what you’re going through. I had a horrid time breastfeeding both my sons, supplemented and BFd them both for months and finally switched to formula. And of course they’re both perfectly fine! It really is not an easy thing. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Go with what you think is best. Good luck. x
Sometimes baby knows best, it just doesn’t work for some, I never had much nursing success, it’s very very hard to do! You feed her and nourish her w/love, you’re doing fine, formula is there and it’s not a bad thing, it’s a great thing for a lot of babies!
I know how you feel! I went through this with my daughter. She was born 6 weeks early and I couldn’t nurse her at all initially (she had to be tube fed in the special care nursery, and was then bottle fed when we weren’t there after we were discharged and had to go home without her.) So we got off to a rough start. I pumped like crazy, took all the supplements (phenugreek and all the rest…), drank the teas, ate tons of oatmeal and tried every other suggestion from my lactation consultant and old wives tale out there. In the end it just didn’t happen. She never really got the hang of it and I was never even able to pump enough to give her breast milk through bottles. Let me tell you I *tried* as hard as I could for months. It wasn’t until she hadn’t had a bowel movement for a week and we took her in to be checked- we thought she was constipated- and an Xray showed she hadn’t been getting enough milk from me to even produce any waste that I finally threw in the towel and accepted that enough was enough. She had her first bottle of formula that night and has been happy and healthy even since.
I was devastated though! I really felt that I had failed her. (Especially since like you, I had nursed my first son without any problems!) I know now that that’s totally irrational. She’s fine! And just because I wasn’t successful breast feeding her doesn’t mean I’m not a good mom. But I still felt that something had been taken from me. It was disappointing and I was sad over it for quite awhile.
Try not to be hard on yourself though! Having a new baby is difficult enough without Mommy guilt! She’ll do well either way 🙂
Of course she will be fine. And she is getting the best food possible from you…that’s all that matters.:-)
Sometimes things are just complicated.
You have tried and hoped and it’s really all you can do.
Jackson was a good nurser and I took it for granted and gave in to the lure of having free hands and formula WAY too soon.
We all have regrets and lost hopes…all we can do is try to be our best for them. 🙂
Hang in there.
I will love and respect you as a parent no matter what you decide…. and so will she.
Oh, Elaine, {{hugs}} honey.
It’s so hard when we want something for them so badly and it just isn’t going how we imagined.
I had to supplement with Bella–she wasn’t getting enough milk from me, no matter what I did.
With Maddie? My milk barely came in at all. I knew I would have to supplement from day 1. I barely made few drops of milk. And I felt like my body had failed her and Bella miserably.
But you know what? She’s happy. She’s healthy. And that is what matters most. I think you’ve done a tremendous job in bf’ing, honey. I’m here if you ever need to vent, cry or just need a hug.
Hi Elaine
It is fantastic that you are perservering and that you have not given up. As baby K’s mummy you will know in your heart what is best for both of you. Trust YOUR instincts and you can’t go wrong.
Happy tenth anniversary to you. What a beautiful post and photos showing your journey together. Your ring is stunning. What a beautiful surprise from Tim – just gorgoeus.
She will be fine. Better than fine. I was unable to breastfeed any of mine, and it was really tough & I spent hours and hours crying and feeling like a failure, but they are fine. Excellent, actually. 🙂
bean never got the hang of it either. and it was such an awful experience that i never even attempted breastfeeding sprout. i give you major credit for trying so hard and pumping for so long (i SO hated pumping).
and i simply must add that she is SO very cute!! 🙂
Oh my WORD she is so beautiful. It is distracting! So precious!
Okay, back to the matter at hand. Do you have any lactation consultants at the hospital or clinic in your area? I’ve heard that they can be a HUGE help. A very good resource.
It sounds to me like you’ve tried your very best. There is only so much you can do. I’m so proud of you for continuing to try as hard as you do. And pumping all the time? I know how hard that is. You are awesome! Seriously.
I know moms always guilt themselves for everything, but this is just out of your control. I can definitely understand why you are so frustrated and disappointed but please don’t feel guilty.
Like you said, she will be fine.
Aw, Elaine! I am so sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. I am SO impressed that you are pumping, in order to give her your milk, still. You should really give yourself credit for that! 🙂 Hang in there, mama!
She is A-DOR-A-BLE!
No stress, don’t be hard on yourself…
I had to pump 100% with Cole as he was never able to get nursing correctly…turned out to be just as bonding for me and I was abe to have my hubby help with the feeds.
she is healthy and beautiful
Love the picture. 🙂
You will figure out what is right for you and your family. It took me until kid #5 to nurse successfully and with complete dedication. I beat myself up with my first when nursing was not going well for either one of us, and made myself miserable. It wasn’t worth it. I hope you arrive at a peaceful decision soon. You’re a great Mommy, no matter what!
All will be fine.
As long as she is getting breast milk, why worry about how she is getting it.
Do what is best for you and her. Don’t listen to what the books tell you. 🙂
She is Beautiful♥
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
I am a crazy hippie, but I had Tommy adjusted at my chiropractor after he was born. There really are things they can do to help a baby, so it’s worth a try.
But keep in mind, that you are doing the best YOU can for her… and that’s all that matters.
I sooooooooooo feel your pain!!!!! I totally remember the last time I attempted to nurse Zach. I was sitting on the floor and trying to make it work and the tears just flowed. The “I cried Hard” comment took me right back to that moment. I won’t even begin to tell you to not stress, you will anyway. I won’t tell you not to be sad, it comes with the territory. Just know that you are getting virtual hugs and high-fives for doing all you can for that beautiful baby girl. The choice to move on won’t ever be an easy one, but it is nice to have closure when you choose to do that. I had heard to set a date and work toward that goal. I did that with pumping. I could do it for 3 months, and at that point I re-evaluated to 4 months. I made it to 6 months and decided to be done. Honestly you are the best mommy ever!!!! She’ll love you no matter what. And the tears, they’ll come for some reason or another, it’s just part of the wonderful job of mommyhood! 🙂 ~~Hugs~~
oh I am so sorry!!!! I know how hard this must be for you… just know whatever you do… she will LOVE you! 🙂
and I would try the chiropractor, the girls wouldn’t nurse when they were born and my chiro came to the hospital and adjusted them and they started eating right away. She said the accident had “knocked” their alignment out. I would give it a shot!
hugs!
brittany
oh I am so sorry!!!! I know how hard this must be for you… just know whatever you do… she will LOVE you! 🙂
and I would try the chiropractor, the girls wouldn’t nurse when they were born and my chiro came to the hospital and adjusted them and they started eating right away. She said the accident had “knocked” their alignment out. I would give it a shot!
hugs!
brittany
Aw Elaine, I am sorry it’s not working out how you wanted but at the same time, no guilt! She is perfect. Just perfect no matter how she gets it.
Hugs to you my friend!
It WILL be OK! Promise! Think of it this way: Can you name five Presidents who were breastfed? Just sayin’ that at the end of the day, breastfeeding is important, but it doesn’t determine how our lives will go. Just keep on doing the best you can.
Sorry it’s not going the way you want. But you’re a great mommy and youre doing the best you can. Didn’t breatsfeed either of my rugrats and I don’t honestly think it altered the amazing bodn we formed.
Hallie 🙂
I’m sorry you have to deal with this 🙁
Keep doing the best you can—God gave you baby k for a reason. If she isn’t meant to nurse, it really won’t matter 10 or even 5 years from now. Look at this as an excuse to find more cuddle time with her since she is not nursing 🙂
Claire had big issues too. I thought that there was NO WAY I could even make it to 6mths (my goal), because there were about 8wks of just awfulness. But we made it through to 1 year and it got a lot better 🙂 But really, I do believe that you have to do what is best for the whole family. Hang in there, but don’t feel bad if you need to stop 🙂
You’re right, you and she will both be fine, no matter what. I remember when Nadia was this age and I was facing the same decision. It was tearing me up. It felt SO critical and important and huge. Now looking back, I realize I let myself stress over it way too much. Believe me, I know how devestating it feels – but in the whole scheme of things, it’s a small thing. She’ll be healthy either way. And adorable, but that’s a given!
She’s perfect. It’s truly fine. It can still be sad. Huge hugs.
It;s such a hard thing isn’t it? So much we are told to nurse, nurse, nurse that if it doesn’t work out, can’t be done or you just choose not to, you feel HORRIBLE guilt.
It really wasn’t that long ago that women weren’t nursing (maybe 12 years ago?).
I’m not saying that nursing isn’t a wonderful thing, but please don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work out. I was never able to nurse any of my children. I tried with some, and by the time i had my twins, i just decided I didn’t want to feel so guilty anymore.
You have genuinely tried and you should be absolutely proud of yourself.
You’re a wonderful mama with a beautiful & healthy baby 🙂
Oh, sweetie. Please don’t be upset.
A good friend of mine has a daughter that refused to breastfeed, so she pumped for eight months.
You just do whatever works.
xoxo
So, I know that you may not know me, but I couldn’t help but comment here. This is an issue that is so close to my heart… As I read your post, I feel your pain… We are so hard on ourselves as moms. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, you have done a beautiful thing for your daughter and any bit of nursing is so great. It is tough work and no one really prepares you for it being so difficult.
The only suggestion that I would have would be to see a lactation consultant – When my son was 7 weeks I was at my wits end and cried everytime he nursed because it hurt so much. I remembered the lactation consultant and went in basically with the attitude that “If you can’t help me, I am DONE…” It was the BEST decision I could have ever made. She was amazing in helping me and my baby. I then was able to nurse him for well over a year. My other son was a natural, so there doesn’t seem to be rhyme or reason to it. Chiropractor may work too.. who knows.
I so much empathy for you! Just know that WHATEVER you decide, you have done a beautiful thing for your baby already!
I so struggle with breast feeding too. I never really got it down. Try as many things are you need but in the end just do what you need to do.
I am sorry Elaine. I really struggled with BF too. It was a constant battle with my girls and I. I pumped for a long time. I hope it all works out for you. Keeping you in my thoughts.
either way she will be fine and so will you…. but i understand your desire to nurse her and for it to be a happy time.
James was having trouble on nursing on one side and we had our chiropractor adjust him and it fixed the problem. it also fixed ALL of his reflux issues that the pediatrician was wanting to put him on medication for! i would just say that you need to find one that practices applied kinesiology and that comes with high recommendations.
love you and she is a doll!!!
it’s an age old dilemma and it’s never easy – hugs to you.
for what’s it’s worth – chiropractors are GREAT!!!
You are so blessed to have so many caring friends! I read all of their posts before I wrote this one, and now I will throw in my two cents: I agree that you have done the best you can for K by even giving her this much of your own milk. When DanDan was in the NICU the lactation consultant was the sweetest, most consoling person. She, too, said to be proud of every drop you have made–every drop is a victory!–and if you can keep pumping one more hour, one more day, one more week, keep going. However, when the time comes to let it go, don’t lament that you have not done “enough”, rejoice in how much you have DONE.
As women, we should all realize that bonding doesn’t happen only at the breast during the first moments of life. If that were true, then dads would have no relationship with their children. Bonding is for the whole of life. Our bonds with our children, our spouses, family, and friends can grow weaker or stronger with time. It is up to each individual to preserve and strengthen the relationships that matter most. We work at our marriages, we teach and discipline our children, we hug our friends and tell them when their butts look too big in those pants. The point is, as so many of your friends said, this, too, shall pass. When she is walking into the church with her second grade class for her First Holy Communion will you even remember the trials and tribulations of the previous six years? She will be so beautiful as she goes to meet God that all you can think about is how blessed you are to have such a beautiful, perfect child; how did God ever think you were so worthy?
Peace, sister. You are beloved of many and have done awesome things for all your children (and family (esp SIL’s) and friends). May the Good Lord bring you peace as you do whatever is best for your precious baby girl.
Love,
SIL
Elaine,
I’m sure I’ve told you before that BF’ing didn’t work out for us, either. The girls just couldn’t seem to get it and I was so sore I was bleeding and required medication to help me heal. I ended up pumpking exclusively for about 3 months. They have turned out fine. I am always jealous of people who are able to bf’d. I had excellent help while we were in the hospital, but it just wasn’t meant to be.
Do not beat yourself up. I’m sure it’s hard since you bf’d your other children and so you’re comparing…but all ids are different. It just may be out of your hands.
You are a wonderful mother. It has nothing to do with breastfeeding and everything to do with your heart and the person you are.
Try to let go a little bit and not stress about it. She will still be perfect no matter what way she eats.
Hang in there! I know it’s tough! I struggled with both of mine, but once they get it it is sooooo rewarding. Keep pumping…go see a lactation consultant. I don’t know if I’d try the chiropracter (they scare me) but FOR SURE find a lactation consultant. Go to the La Leche League website..look for meetings. Good Luck!!
If I had a time machine, I would go back to March 2000 and redo my son’s first month of his life. I tried so hard to nurse him but he just wouldn’t take to it. There were many tears (both his and mine) and I really think it had an effect on our relationship. I really wish I had just embraced the bottle feeding earlier. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and stress. Just do what is easiest for you and K and don’t feel guilty about it. Everything will be fine.
Hey Elaine-
So, I have to know how this all turned out. I am assuming that you have gone to formula now. Maddie was tongue-tied. I got very lucky and the ped. noticed it at her hospital check up and snipped it that day. She still would not latch properly for nearly a month but managed to eventually get it. Let me know how it all turned out. Gotta love Baby G- he just looks like a nursin’ baby boy- sweet little face. Baby K is so beautiful! -Jennifer FlemB